Taken b4 going out for the dinner.. I pre tied my hair b4 he came back.. haha so kan chiong but ended up night time all my fringe all drop back to the front le.. 

Back at home.. Intend to watch movie but see our eyes is so "panda" so decide to come back rest than go out...  

Xmas Eve !!! Quite blur due to using handphone to take.. will scan again.. actually the one with plain background we did not chose that photo.. but i think machine faulty so it came out instead the one we chose.. see Dear getting more artist le right?? The Black and Green background design by him.. 

Busy busy... too busy to update?? no lah.. actually waiting to update the Christmas eve photo.. and not to forget those gifts i have from Nerd nerd and frenz.. but yesterdya too tired so did not update.. maybe tomolo den update or wait till saturday i am at home then i update..

How i spend my Christmas? Mostly at home.. or go out with family together.. sob sob this coming week no more le.. cos dad no more car.. travel will have a problem.. sob sob.. Hmm maybe now most of the time will take cab.. unless i am able to buy a car.. but what the use? when i dun dare to drive haha..

Cockroach Alert!!!
Dunno why recently my home appear alot of cockroach.. and it is not those small one .. it is those big in size and flying one Eee... !!! First spotted is in my room *sob* and i was the victim.. :( while pulling the curtain, it ran past my hands.. and Ah!!!! i run out of the room.. and here come Heroin SIS.. haha... (my dear is actually quite scare of flying ones too..) keke.. With dad command.. Sis has to twist the cockroach head in order to make sure it is really dead.. and end up.. poor cockroach.. died without a full body.. but who ask it to come scare me.. *hump* Another one appear in the night in the kitchen.. also Sis deal with it.. but hor.. i truely think the cockroach know i am scare of it.. keep scaring me.. yesterday when i about to take rice for dad.. it appear on the kitchen floor where i just walk past.. OMG!!! Lucky Sis is at home to deal with it.. Now i have phobia to open my room window le.. got those feelign once i open all the cockroach will fly toward my face... argh... this is disgusting.. Reason why it keep appearing?? dunno too.. maybe rainy day no where to run.. and just downstair my house is the rubbish chute le.. haiz.. i hope.. they all go off soon.. i really very scare lah.. *sob sob*

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Birth Month is May

Unique and creative, you seek your own path in life. You love change and are able to adapt to any situation. Your soul reflects: Sweetness, joy, and a complete life. Your gemstone: Emerald Your flower: Lily of the Valley Your colors: Yellow, red, and green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

You Were a Deer

Graceful and gentle, you appreciate beauty and balance. A giving soul, you are able to sacrifice for the greater good.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Your Birthdate: May 27

You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything.You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life.Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal.You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return. Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge Your power color: Cobalt blue Your power symbol: Dove Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

kekekekek.. I got it I got it... hahah i got my new NTUC-OCBC Debit card... kekekek hmm it is transparent de.. later go home take photo let you see...

Today very very free.. i simply keep surfing net.. haha.. actually coming to holiday we should be busy.. as shipment be rushing b4 holiday rush out.. but dunno why.. no shipment .. all done just waiting for documents from other agent.. i guess you all will not understand what i am saying bah.. then got time.. i went to others blog to browse.. saw one ger "PEI QI" blog.. very cute.. i think she design all by herself.. she even got put Chicken Little MTV .. hee hee i try to copy and put it inside my blog.. *sob* cannot.. dunno why.. think i need help from Dear..

Dear complaining i got time but dun go into his blog to updates.. is nothing to update ma.. Then he say the one we take bus then overselpt and miss our stop.. i say orr.. but also nothing much ma.. I know i know.. Dear dun have time so i should go update de.. but that is your blog too.. i want to hear from you too ma.. if you see ah.. that blog got mine update more than yours de loh... *hump*

So hungry now.. my lunch was just prawn noodle.. but not fillign at all.. it was like i did not ate anything at all.. now stomach is rumbling for food.. haha guess what?? "ock ock ock" Dear can you hear it ma? kekeke ya then i found out one thing.. i cannot drink coffee le.. not becos make me cannot sleep lah.. hmm dunno why.. this few times i drink coffee my hands will keep tremble and my heartbeat seem very fast.. very uncomfortable.. so maybe i have to refrain to take coffee.. BUT HOW AM I TO KEEP AWAKE WITHOUT COFFEE??? good question.. when i figure out then tell you all.. but b4 that.. Zzzzzzzzzz... *snore*... lol

Morning.. This morning i am too free le.. so went in to Canon website to walk around to see got what new Digital Cam... haha got one i like.. well have not check out the market price.. maybe might just do that this weekend bah.. guess which model caught my eye? haha it is the IXUS i zoom... hmm overall every cam look the same and has the almost the same function.. this series has 4 colours to chose.. hmm i think you all will think i will chose the red one.. i think purple will be for Janet.. but haha.. i prefer the black one.. hmm..very unbelieveable?? ok ok got to get back to work.. tataz..

Monday 19/12/2005

Know what occasion is this saturday?? It is Christmas Eve.. so where are you all going?? hmm me? *fliping schedule* haha not many ppl date me out lah.. only one.. Mr Lim Yong Sheng.. haha that day he be working bah.. think will meet quite late.. as he will go back his home.. take car then come fetch me.. hmm where are we going?? hmm not sure.. but will be somewhere able to take photo.. cos this is the first Christmas we are celebrating.. hee hee..

Yesterday went swimming.. haha like everything all told by Janet le.. hmm nothing much.. but i am quite happy.. seeing frenz and chat with them.. make me hmm.. not that pressure .. can push all my trouble to the back of my mind..

Gifts gifts gifts.. hey stop looking around.. you ya sayign you.. haha "where is my christmas gift??" haha nerd nerd going to get me one at KL.. hmm then what should i get for her in sg?? i think i got sth in mind le.. shh.. cannot tell now.. so any christmas wish?? yupz.. *nodding head* hmm maybe wish to have tian ji zhuo.. haha really craving must find time to go eat.. hmm still got what.. wish that my Dad will be better and i hope i can make him happy.. cos HAPPY IS THE CURE OF EVERYTHING, agree ma?? still got what.. Dear to be happy and soon i will not need to be Mrs Panda.. haha so Dear you have to rest more k.. i think that all bah.. nothing much i can wish for too.. anyway whatever you all buy i will like it de..

Last Night i got my first christmas gift.. haha of cos is from my Dear lah.. actually he dun intend to give me so early de.. then saturday my sis came to change some coins with me.. so i change le will put the money in Memory Box as spare cash for both of us.. then i told Dear about it.. then he got shock and ask " You put money in Memory Box?" "yupz!" then he got panick.. haha if he did not ask much i will not go see the Memory Box.. haha and i will not find my gifts.. haha.. hmm what gifts is it?? hmm still dun show you all yet.. wait till 24/12/05 i wear le i ask Dear to take down the photo for me.. oh come to think of it.. i guess i should add a item to my wishlist - Digital Camera.. haiz.. this one i think i have to save quite some time b4 i be able to fulfill.. hmm..

Ok i shall end it here le.. bye bye

I am so free today.. after not much document come in.. so make some time to update blog later still got to go dear dear blog to say something too.. huh say what? cannot tell you all lah.. sh.. dun ask..

Was chatting with nerd nerd now.. so boring.. i mean me.. then she should be busy as boss should be in office bah.. not like me.. haiz.. oh ya.. telling her i miss "tian ji zhuo" a lot.. eversince MJ use to bring me go.. no more chance i be able to eat.. now rarely touch.. cos dear dear dun eat those kind of thing ba.. oh yah do you all miss the "hao tan" hmm.. yummy yummy.. *saliva dripping, pass me a tissue pls* hahah

Yesterday was the second treatment of chemo.. i suddenly got this kind of thinking.. asking dad to do chemo is it a wrong.. although this time it is not that painful as the previous time.. but the after effect still the same.. he got fever and shivering with cold ... i am so helpless as i cannot do anything other than covering him with blanket and giving him medicine to eat.. if later the fever still not going to suside ,.. i guess have to take cab send him to A &E again le.. i know he hate to stay in hospital.. but for his health.. i have too..

hmm nothing much to write le bah.. very sleepy now.. as i did not really sleep well last night too.. keep waking up to check on dad.. the second time i wake up due to i dream of dad and his face was swollen .. haha scare me sia.. hmm hope everythign will be alright soon.. the third treatment.. i am already dun dare to think of it le..

Back back back.. Just saw my last update date .. HUH !!! 02/12/2005 that was so long ago.. guess i have been so busy till i dun have time to update.. ok some recap.. haha

Last week my colleague was on leave for the whole week so i have to suffer a whole week busy day.. but good thing is busy made my time past so fast.. everyday i dun have to count my time and ask myself "when will 5.30 come?" haha.. hmm..bad thing is Dad suffer inside hospital for more than a week.. and b4 he was able to discharge suddenly his ward got what VRE virus.. zzz... a delay of a day loh.. So last week i was so tired and sleepy.. almost everyday fall asleep on bus.. haha cos always will try to make a point to go visit dad after work.. at least there a fews hours he will not be boring ma..

hmm saturday there some unhappiness between me and Jinzhu.. dun wish to bring up again.. but i really hope the pc able to reboot and restart again.. i know my fault.. and i should not bring up the word.. if not there love i guess Jinzhu might just agree my suggest.. haiz.. not just you making me unhappy.. i do have make you unhappy too.. it take two hands to clap.. so actually when i am unhappy you are unhappy too.. but thaks dear.. i saw your blog and those HTML to enable to read chinese ... i know you made effort to do all those.. you are doing things quietly too.. not wanting any things in return...

This week is only now tuesday.. i am so tired still.. hope saturday i be able to sleep till later... then sunday then follow dad to market to "mai cai" haha cannot expect ba.. last sunday i went was in a lose what to buy.. but haha ok lah.. just dad complain i buy the prawn from that stall not good one.. then i know we use to eat so ex prawn and fish.. thanks you dad..

ok i shall stop here... got time i will still update.. but actually my life there nothing much to update le.. but i am contented with my life now.. everyone able to eat together on the table.. this is a wish i always wanted... but now is fulfill..

Why hasn't the RainBow appear ??

Sorry was busy over the last few days so did not have the mood and time to blog.. now while waiting to go off work.. maybe blog some to past time..

Thursday my dad went to start his first treatment .. I guess no one can understand my feeling.. just like i cannot help to unburden his pain.. We waited qutie a long time b4 our turn to do the Chemo.. well you will start to think chemo is an injection right? but it is actually not.. it is like a bag of liquid inserting into your body through those blood veins.. Dad was complaining pain when the chemo liquid goes into his body.. I feel like crying at the moment.. cos my heart feeling so pain when i see his expression.. I must say.. he is a man who can endure pain.. so when he start to complain.. it must be really very pain.. nightmare started after we got home.. do not know due to what cause.. dad started to develop fever.. and was shivering with cold.. to make him feel better.. i put on blanket, socks. and more clothes.. this does not help.. his temperture hit to 38.8 (this is when they start to wake me up and inform me dad fever gettign higher) I have to send him to A & E straight.. haiz.. and we spend half of our night in there waiting.. Now how is he le? Going on fine.. i just afraid his fever will occur anytime.. but he still unable to go back home today.. yesterday his fever came back and it is quite high.. so doctor advise to stay in hospital to observe.. hope that he be able to go back home tomolo bah..

Surprise Surprise!!!

Haha change my blog skin.. a bit more cheerful ma? but 1 thing i still need to amend is the blog part too big.. those intro and frenz squeeze in one column.. i will try to amend again when i have time k.. just bear with it ... sorry..

30/11/2005 Second Last Month of 2005

Tomolo be 1st Dec 2005 le.. but know what i know from yesterday..? i might not be able to get conformation ... due to my leave thingy.. haiz.. then why give me hope then make me disappoint again.. I went in to boss room to talk about it.. he say he is ok with i go with my dad but taking whole day off is not good.. everyone in the office will be unhappy if they are unable to get leave approve... I understand his position.. i did make arrangement le ah.. unless i need to go if not will have to ask dad to go with his " frenz" haha who that ? i dunno.. just someone younger than me that all i know..

This problem made me unable to sleep well last night bah.. cos now if i am not able to be perm. staff.. finacially is quite hard.. and another surface up problem is to keep the van my dad is driving is a problem too... if i am unable to drive him to hospital what the use to keep the van? taking cab will be a more feasible way.. as other dunno how to drive.. hmm.. need to consider again...

Last night i keep dreaming of dad doing chemo.. is that a signal to me? i am not sure.. got quite worried of it.. i hope.. it turn out fine tomolo.. i guess i might just get another sleepless night tonight...

Dear be starting work today... first day at work will have to work 10hrs le.. a bit heart pain for him.. i was wondering if he is not with me he does not need to be so xinku le.. and thinking at this moment of time if it is not him by my side . is another guy who is with me.. will he be able to take all this stress with me and help out or will just go and left me alone?? Well all this is all unanswer cos it will not happen as i am still with Dear now.. and actually i never expect Dear to help me with all this.. cos we just BGR not even married.. haha well well i know you will start to say dun forget our promise 01/05/2006 ROM... i remember that.. but are we really able to ROM.. i dun dare to dream of future now.. i cherish the moment we are having now..

Nothing much to do now at work.. so came here to blog a bit.. just now crying again.. haiz.. was calling my dad as i told him about the medical report thingy which then i know Dear was toking to him about it too.. and he was crying.. at the moment of time.. i find my Dad sound weird but i did not ask much.. after the call i call Dear then i found out Dad was crying becos he know i am very hard up now.. i find myself useless.. cannot even fork up 100 .. zzzzzzzzzzzz when is my pay coming? guess today not able to get le.. got to wait till next week.. some more this month dun earn that much.. i still have to attend a wedding .. ang bao.. sianz..

Tok about that now den i find out.. my second sis bdae fall on the same day as Janet's sis.. dec 4th.. haha so qiao.. hmm but two of them is heaven and earth character.. zzzzzzz haha..

Yesterday went to hospital with Dad again for check up.. and went for interview too.. at Kinokuniya.. (oops did i got it right) at first was hoping i be able to get in.. but now.. haiz kinda hard.. 6-10 mon to fri.. even though it is the best time i can hope for but for me to go work i guess really hard.. and even weekend i chose to work.. the time is not compitable to mine current job.. and thinking if my place here in future turn to be 5days.. i will have to work till 6pm.. which is another place work time.. well.. we shall see loh..

Hospital side.. finaically we know how we can unburden le.. but heard from the doctor.. this is unable to complete cure as we have to keep doing chemo to control.. so it be a long run thingy.. i just hope.. dad be able to withstand the chemo treatment..

Ok let talk about soem happy things.. hmm.. ooh yesterday we went to a place near the Mustafa there.. there have one stall selling "ruo ku mian" if you got stay hoem watch every sunday the "jie tou mei shi xing" you will know.. wah although the soup not that fantasic but the "zhu gan" really ichiban !!! very soft.. and juicy.. yum yum.. and that is the place my dad use to work bah.. then at there we talk about a lot of his past memories.. he used to live near the seaside.. but he does not know how to swim.. keke we was laughing when we know that.. lucky i did not propose to bring him go swim.. haha.. and a lot like what jobs he use to work..and those hardship... *sobs* dunno why still feel like crying.. let me cry finish then write.. Bye bye..

Maybe Story will ends 16/11/2005... --- JinZhu & HeiZhu-----

Good news!! I be able to confirm on 01/12/2005, but hearing from my supervisor this news i dun feel happy at all.. i dunno .. due to afternoon talk bah.. whatever it is going to off work soon.. i dunno what might happen i cannot forsee.. is he coming to my place to fetch me or has he gone back home?? Half year le.. why still cannot understand how i think.. i always think for you, stand at your position.. can't i be selfish once? Do what i want? not control by ppl? Ya i know.. again.. Trust trust TRUST all this words will keep flashing in our conversation cos there are no trust.. even there is you think a relationship last?? Take others as example: A guy who time and again behind his gf back "tou chi" is this what the ger should get back? when she has all her trust to him that he will change for the good?? So is the trust really worthy?? You tell me...

Meanful Blog

Not sure does meanful this word exist but i guess after reading this blog you all will know what i mean le..

Just dun understand those bitchy gers out there.. why like to know so much guys who is around me.. (maybe you should know who you are bah) at first really do ke lian you to be now in this stage.. got to suffer again and again the painful experience but now i should be f**king happy cos maybe you do deserve it.. cos too much time to browse into ppl frenz so no time to look after your bf..

Just a sentance, maybe i might be wrong about it.. but i will not just believe it is so coindence you know most of my guys frenz.. also my fault.. i am not that free to look into other pages to find out about this until today when my OWN boyfrenz told me he add HER as frenz in order to spite me.. *grin* thanks Dear !!!

To My Dear: to me, it does not matter to me you know others ger or not.. but you chose to add her even though after i ask you about what did you messgae her.. why will she view you.. now i know all.. i will not hear in others opinion cos i chose to believe what i have been thinkign just like what all does.. no need to give me excuses or reason..

Friday!!! But I am still so Tired

Hmm why i am still so tired?? haiz.. this week i need to work on saturday too.. sianz.. having diffcult to pull myself out of the cozy bed... haha.. more and more like Dear le..

Did you see Channl 5 last night??
keke.. there a news show going on.. actually something that i like too.. cos it is like those saving life de.. i like those show.. *smile* and moreover.. yesterday i feel like home.. everyone came into my room to watch a 17 inch tv instead there is a 29 inch tv which is showing the same program too.. haha... but the feeling is like.. everyone laughing.. and talk about it.. so happy... and my dad... i like evening time.. now i always able to see him smile.. i hope it truely from him heart..

My moods is flying high today..
Dunno maybe becos it if friday le bah.. my mood today was quite good.. so i did a crazy thingy.. become blog stalker.. haha how? Although i always go nerd nerd and my ah kor blog to read (consider stalker too right?) i went to others blog to read too.. (those who i seldom read) just wanna make my mood down too.. haha did it? NO it did not.. even i read until some parts where i find it angry the feelign just gone straight away.. I learn a thing from my previous job.. I CANNOT CHANGE HOW PPL THINK OF ME COS PPL WILL THINK THEIR OWN WAY.. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WILL TO EXPLAIN THEY STILL THINK THEIR WAY.. so i chose from the start not to do any explanation.. cos it just made me more entangle into the problem.. which made me become - - - - LIARS *haha*

Advice??
Letting go to have a better tomolo... There be always memories.. and just like me (a so-called liars) there be alot of those too.. trying to get symanpty and regret why did they do not chose the one they love at that moment.. with regret ppl will do what they can to try to get back what they use to have.. So get on with life and keep those past as memories.. *smile*

Good News!!!
Dad finally agree to do chemo.. so now trying to get SCS fund to help.. and earn more moeny.. i dun feel good when i am working i still need parents to help out some finacial.. *smiel* For all gods above, Please makethe chemo be a suscess..

Joke..::..
Did i tell you all what my two nephew and niece did??
haiz.. without our knowledge they call the donation fund to make donation.. it make my sis mad that they was beaten up with cane.. the amount was so shocking..!! 500 plus .. they really know how to chose loh.. keep calling the 50 bucks one.. zzzzzzz.... so what there to be funny about?? Only our family know.. not to forget and my DEar is consider our family...

why am I in office today??

Normally you will not get to see me on thusrday as recently this day i be in hospital with my dad.. As today appointment is in the noon.. so i decide to come work earn some medical fees b4 i go off..

Finally Dear stop opposing me to find a part time le.. haiz.. i know scare me too tired.. but really not enough money to use le lah.. got to find asap.. Frenz around me.. pls leave me further away.. cos i do not want to borrow money from you all.. i scare i might just ask from you all.. lol.. stay away...

ok gonna stop here le ..

PS: Catch me tonight @ Channel 5 8.30pm on Lifeline... dun forget to watch it Nerd!!!*wink*

hmm.. The Future Hunk And Babe?? haha my sister two kiddo equals to my Dad grandchildren... so where mine?? * looking at my Sweetheart*

My Second sis, Me & Dad. I know what you all going to say.. i agree we dun look alike...

My Mum & Dad

Dun wish to write a long blog for tonight.. Hope photos explain all.. Dad Birthday tonight.. we had a big feast den at ten plus we had the ICE-CREAM Cake... kekek Welcome My Dad..

hmm Whose head look BIGGER?? hahah mine? or Dear?  

After Zoo outing..finally get to shoot with my dear.. how do we look we cap? Younger? 

Ok enough.. Time to slack..Zzz... 

Prepare to leap for my meal!! oops sorry.. it is actually to its plaything.. haha 

Erm.. kinda scare the goat will bite me.. but see my dad so happy.. but i get to feed the goat.. with grass.. lol 

At the Zoo

01 NOV 2005

This is a post-dated blog, wanted to note down how we spend our first half year.

On this remarkable day, we proceed as we have plan to go ZOO.. *smile* but we have one more person coming with us.. and thats my dad.

Decide to took a bus there instead of car.. at least can enjoy the journey.. hmm so with two EZLink card, i have to give mine to dad use and i top up with coins.. haha guess what.. maybe i was wearing a cap bah.. i ask the bus driver " how much to amk interchange?" the bus driver ask me back," did i bring my student pass"......... imagine how my dad react? *sob* he say i forget to bring.. zzzzzzzzz............ den keep on laughing till found a seat... sad sad..

Finally we reach zoo.. wah!! so much changes after my last visit.. hmm so my choice to go zoo is right.. heehee... but it is a pity we only manage to walk half of the zoo and we headed home.. cos dad is already not feeling well.. dun wanna strain him.. i know he might feel a bit guilty to left.. as he wanted us to stay longer to walk.. but how can we just left him out..

"Er Wai De Shuo Huo"

Well this is unable to see in documentary show de wor.. haha when walk to the lions side.. we saw a lion trying to get close to a lioness.. haha guess what are they doing? haha i would not say much of it.. well i did to try to tape it down.. too bad guess they found out.. and stop.. haizz.. want me to be "gou zai dui" confirm fail.. i so stupid always got found out.. haha

Happy that Dear told me he is quitting smoking.. this is something i always wish for which till now still have not fulfill. Last night guess when he hug me i smell his finger got cigratte smell again.. haiz.. guess quitting still got a long way to go.. When can i have a bf that dun smoke? haiz..*frowning*

About family.. i got nothing much to say le.. and dun wish to talk about it.. take a step at a time now bah.. there is nothing much i am able to do too..

Guess i shall stop here.. got time tonight i will update my blog again bah.. dear just bought a router to be able to use his lappie at my home.. haha i did help to set up too wor.. maybe i should go study IT...

Moods Up and Downs

The thought of thinking tomolo is a holiday and we be going to have our half month Anniversary i am happy.. thinking of going to zoo tomolo all those preparation make me awakes for the whole day.. thinking tonight Dear is going to give me a surprise i am looking forward too..

BUT

thinking my dad case.. my mood goes down down.. have not been sleeping well.. and once i got up i was unable to fall asleep again.. mind turning round.. how to earn more money? how to persude him? how to make him happy? how to keep this family going?

Life is unfair.. why must i worried for all this at this age? should i be thinking my future husband.. who i be with and just work? maybe GOD feel that i have been to free le.. so gave me all this.. but i do believe They give us problem to let us grow up.. it really does when my sis pass away.. i grow up.. i think different from those who is same age as me.. but when i thought i can relax le.. more problem are here to test me...

Went to Dear school on saturday.. and surprisingly while passing by boat quay "someone" sms me.. haha guess who? one of my kaki who i always will ask him got go Lighthouse if i am going Frenz place de.. Thomas la.. haha my ex-bf.. hmm his bdae on 30 oct.. he sms me to go pub.. hmm at tanjong pagar.. So back to the story.. after picking up Dear entry proof for exams.. we took 130 to amk.. haha cos the night b4 Dear saw the S11 back to service le.. so thinking i miss the Western so much we went there to have our "breaklunch" (breakfast cum lunch) ooh.. this is a long journey back to amk wor.. go pass so many places.. like Blastiers.. (is it spell like that??) haha saw a car SFZ XXXX haha not able to see the no. lah.. then suddenly recall.. Jie gege changing his car.. maybe is that.. hmm very family wor.. no more those sporty car.. but really still miss his old one.. but hor!! where my sunglasses and cd!!! must beat his backside le.. haha

Saturday night.. 29/10/2005.. haha a night which made Dear and me been thinking to go or not to go.. why? cos one is ex bf bdae.. the other side is Dear brothers loh.. and most important another special person be going.. my Dear ex-gf.. it is like very croweded.. guess everyone was lookign forward to see what will happen.. in fact there is nothing.. well second leading actress left not long after she arrive.. reason not feelign well.. i should admit that night i might been too overboard.. keep hugging my Dear.. got chance we will.. *muacks* haha.. but well.. at least now we know.. we still can go out de lah..

I think update till now i should stop le.. nothing much to update.. tired tired.. sometime i really wish i can rest forever and never wake up again.. oh yah.. just have my hair cut.. wait till i meet up my Dear use his phone to take down some photo then post it inside here bah.. not much changes but just shorter.. hee...

Blue stand for moody.. it fully shown what i am feeling yesterday.. it was a terror.. not relationship has got a problem.. Dun wish to say much too..

Life is fragile.. at one moment of time i really think i might just lose him forever.. why would he think that way.. a burden to us.. we are together this lifetime.. nothing can change nothing is able to distroy this link we have.. everything is not a burden at all.. Please dun give me the memories i had 5 years ago..

I really should thanks the CityCab driver.. he is so kind that he did not accept my money.. partly becos i was paying by card it take some time to process and i was already so anxious.. I feel so guilty for not paying.. Any way to find him out? i forgotten to take down his no.

I dun wish what happen yesterday to happen again.. really dun.. even the thinking of what happen.. i still unable to get over.. a frightful day.. Pls God Above.. Please dun take him away from us..

ALL ABOUT LOVE "Zai Shuo Yi Chi Wo Ai Ni"

My surprise fail.. actually i win the tickets by writing a "love letter" to Channel U about what i want to tell my love one.. guess mine is not as good as the guy ba.. so did not manage to really surprise my Dear.. but indeed he surprise me again.. He bought "Xue Lang Hu" VCD for me.. hmm cos i keep talkign about it.. and asking him to dl the songs.. so he decide to buy that as a gift for me.. when i walk into my room i was really surprise.. Thanks Dear...

Overall.. the show is nice.. ending is sad one.. but it is the ending part make everyone cried... i have to "ren" all my tears.. as WE HAVE NO TISSUE.. lol.. so time to time some touching part Dear will turn his head over to see am i crying.. must stop me from overflowing.. but it make me "ren de heng xin ku" cos cannot cry all i want..

My planning was yesterday to go for interview at GV.. but since the movie.. we push it today.. guess we both should be able to get in.. but Dear is thinking too much.. keep thinking those "you de mei de".. Nothign will happen k.. haha you should be the one console me not the other way round.. come now your turn to console me.. hahah

What does the Liver Do?

The liver is an organ in the abdomen which is necessarily to live . It is mostly located behind the right ribcage, and when it becomes enlarged it protrudes below the right ribcage ("right costal margin"). It is composed of right and left "lobes", and a smaller "quadrate" lobe. Thegall bladder hangs down from the bottom of the liver, collecting greenish bile from it. The liver has as a major blood supply the "hepatic artery" which comes off of the aorta. The "hepatic vein" collects nutrients and drugs from the intestines and delivers them to the liver for processing. The liver drains blood via the large "inferior vena cava", directly into the heart. There is also a system of draining "lymph glands" around the liver which help to purify the blood. These lymph glands are connected via "lymph channels" which ultimately drain back into the bloodstream via the "left thoracic duct"; they are important as they may serve as conduits for spread of infections or cancer. The liver has a "capsule" around it which contains nerve endings, accounting for pain when the liver enlarges and stretches it's capsule. The damaged liver has an amazing ability to regenerate itself. The body needs only about 10% of the liver to live, and if a piece is cut out or injured, it can grow back. Sometimes, however, the liver gets chronic diseases which impair it's ability to regenerate. It can become infiltrated with fat ("steatosis"), shrink from chronic alcohol or viral exposure ("cirrhosis") or grow large from infection or a blocked blood drainage ("hepatomegly") . Any inflammation of the liver, whether caused by germs, drugs, or radiation, is called hepatitis . A damaged liver may heal, or may slowly fail and require liver transplant to save the patient's life The liver is an astounding laboratory sustaining metabolism. Among it's functions are purification of the blood, removing poisonous ammonia from proteins, detoxifying alcohol and drugs, controlling the body's sugar and cholesterol balance, making bile to digest fats, forming clotting factors for the blood and generating new blood cells. This myriad of functions makes clear why the liver is essential to life.


What is Liver Cancer?

The cells in the liver are meant to divide to replace those that die of injury or old age. Like all cell division in the body, this process is tightly controlled to proceed in an orderly manner, and controlled by the "genes" within each cell. Liver cancer starts within a single cell. Something changes the control mechanisms within this cell, and it starts dividing in a disorganized, uncontrolled manner. The abnormal cell makes millions of copies of itself, called "clones". They fail to perform the normal functions of liver cells, but are only intent on dividing to make more copies of themselves. Eventually these abnormal cells form a clump, ortumor. A tumor is merely a swelling, and isn't necessarily cancerous. A benign tumor just grows in it's local area, and although it may become very large it doesn't spread and isn't cancer. By contrast, a malignant tumor is cancer and has a capacity to spread to any area of the body. This process of spread is called metastasis . It is this capacity to spread to other vital organs that makes cancer so dangerous.


How Common is Liver Cancer?

Liver cancer is fairly uncommon in the U.S.A. with20,000 new cases and 15,000 deaths each year in the United States. It represents about 2% of all new cancers. About 3000 of the cases are in the liver itself, the remainder are in the Gall Bladder and bile drainage ducts. However, in Asia and Africa liver cancers are one of the most common cancers. Males are effected slightly more commonly than females, and the average patient is 50 years old. By contrast, benign liver tumors are more common in females and tend to occur at a younger age. Overall the death rate from liver cancer has dropped in the U.S.A. over the past 50 years. This is both from a decline in the number of cases, and better treatment for the disease.


What are the Types of Liver Tumors?

The most common types of benign liver tumors are hemangiomas (which are a cluster of abnormal blood vessels forming a swelling), and adenomas (which are clumps or knots of liver tissue). The most common malignant liver cancers are hepatocellular carcinoma (80% of cases) which arises from the liver cells themselves, and is also known as ahepatoma (a poor name for liver cancer, since it sounds benign). Cholangiocarcinoma (15% of cases) arises from bile ducts in the liver as they proceed down toward the gallbladder. A Klatskin tumor is a cholangiocarcinoma located at where the gall bladder meets the liver. Rare types of liver cancer include the angiosarcoma (which arises from the blood vessels in the liver), lymphomas (from the immune cells in the liver) and carcinoids (from hormone making liver cells). The liver is a very common place for cancers originating in other body organs to spread to; since it offers a soft, spongy blood-rich surface for metastatic "seeds" to grow. If their are multiple areas of cancer in the liver, the chances are much higher that it began in some other organ and then spread to the liver. Bowel, lung, breast, bladder, prostate and esophagus cancers have particular propensities for liver spread. These are not considered "primary" liver cancer, and their treatment upon spread is discussed in their particular transcripts.


What Causes or Increases Risk for Liver Cancer?

As for any cancer, the exact reason why any one person gets liver cancer and another doesn't remains unknown . However, several things have been noted which increase the risk, called"risk factors":

1. Chronic Hepatitis can lead to changes in the liver cells associated with the most common type of liver cancer, hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC).
a)Hepatitis B -- evidence of prior infection is found in 75% of liver cancer patients worldwide. It can lead to cirrhosis, below. The more common Hepatitis A (spread by feces) isn't associated with liver cancer.
b)Carcinogens (chemicals inducing cancer) such as aflatoxin food contamination (used by Iraq on the Kurds) and nitrosamines.

2. Cirrhosis of the liver (the liver can shrink up and become fibrous and fatty in response to chronic irritation). Causes of cirrhosis include:
a) Alcoholism-- alcoholic cirrhosis leads to 5% of liver cancer.
b)Hemochromatosis is an overload of iron in the liver. 20% of patients who get cirrhosis from the overload may develop HCC.
c)Alpha1- antitrypsin deficiency is a rare condition where a necessary enzyme is lacking to break down waste products in the liver and lung. HCC can develop in 40% of patients who get this type of cirrhosis.

3. Miscellaneous irritants to the liver including:
a) Polyvinyl Chloride (PVC) is linked to angiosarcoma.
b)Liver flukes are linked with bile duct cancer in China.
c) Thorotrast is a contrast dye for radiology studies no longer used after being linked to angiosarcoma.
d)Radiation Exposure can lead to liver sarcomas, sometimes as long as 5 decades after the exposure.The common thread to liver cancer risk factors is chronic irritation, which causes the liver cells to divide more quickly than they ordinarily would to repair perceived damage. The more often cells divide, the more the chance for a genetically abnormal one to arise, with the gene changes leading to it's becoming cancerous.


What are the symptoms of Liver Cancer?

The most common symptoms of liver cancer are from a massive tumor growing in the liver, or even liver failure. A very early cancer will have no symptoms, since it is too small to cause any. As it enlarges, common symptoms include:
1.Pain in the right upper abdominal area caused by stretching of the liver's capsule, which is rich in nerves. The liver may then extend below the righ costal margin ("hepatomegaly") and be painful to probe.
2. Weight Loss and loss of appetite; the liver is a digestive organ.
3. Swelling of the abdomen (called "ascites" pronounced a-site-ees) from the liver failing to produce the protein required to hold the blood's fluid in the blood vessels, so it migrates out to fill the abdomen, scrotum and limbs.
4. Cirrhosis signs like breast swelling in males (from the liver failing to break down estrogens) and little spider shaped veins (angiomata) seen on the skin. Another sign of liver failure is very red palms ("palmar erythema").
5. Blood clotting problems leading to intestinal bleeding and bruises on the skin. The liver normally uses vitamin K from the diet and intestinal bacteria sources to synthesize the clotting factor ("prothrombin") necessary for life.
6.Fatigue and eventually coma from buildup of ammonia in the body.
7. Jaundice and light stools, from blockage of the bile draining system. Also looser and smellier stools may be seen, ("steatorrhea") indicating poor breakdown of fats in the digestive tract. Jaundice normally produces itching (pruritis) when it becomes marked. The first area notable for jaundice, caused by theliver's failure to clear bilirubin, is the whites of the eyes ("scleral icterus").
8. Paraneoplastic syndromes means unusual symptoms caused by chemical alterations in the body either from the liver failing or secretions from the tumor cells themselves. These include elevated blood calcium, low blood sugar, anemias, precocious puberty in children, intense flushing, and other metabolicdisturbances. These syndromes often will be alleviated with cancer shrinkage.
9. Signs of Distant Spread include bone pain, neurological symptoms from brain involvement, and intestinal blockage. These all indicate advanced disease.


How is Liver Cancer Diagnosed and Evaluated?

Since liver cancer is unusual, and it's symptoms mimic many other conditions, there is commonly a delay in making the diagnosis while the cancer grows larger. Unfortunately, most patients have advanced disease by the time the diagnosis is made. Important steps to diagnosing liver cancer include:
1. A high"index of suspicion" in patients with a history of chronic hepatitis, alcoholic cirrhosis, toxin exposure, or the rare genetic diseases which increase risk.
2. A Complete Physical Exam especially looking for signs of a tumor in the upper right abdomen and signs of liver failure like body swelling and bruising. Other organs (i.e. rectum, prostate, breast) are examined to see if a primary tumor has arisen there, and possibly spread to the liver.
3. Blood Tests including a complete blood count (CBC) to look for anemia or infection, and a blood chemistry panel(SMA) which tells about liver function and general metabolism. The most commonly elevated blood tests with liver damage are AST, ALT, GGT and alkaline phosphatase . These are all enzymes that are released into the bloodstream when liver cells die. Also, a hepatitis panel is appropriate. Blood clotting studies (PT/PTT) are gotten both to assess liver function and a part of a pre-surgical screen if surgery is a possibility. There is a "tumor marker" to help diagnosis liver cancer. In HCC patients, especially younger ones, the "alpha-fetoprotein" (AFP) blood test is elevated in over 50% but it may represent some other malignancy besides liver cancer. If it is elevated, it will usually return to normal with successful treatment.
4. Radiologic Tests, include standard Chest X-ray to look for infection or tumor in the lungs. Ultrasound (US) remains useful for looking at the shape of the liver, identifying a tumor, and tracking the progress of therapy. Ultrasound doesn't use any radiation (just sound waves) and is very safe in children and pregnant women. However, the results are very dependent upon the skill of the technician performing the test, and if something is found then a CT scan will be ordered anyway. A CT scan is very accurate for detecting tumors larger than 1 cm, it does use radiation like a series of multiple X-rays which are joined together. If contrast is injected into an arm vein for a CT scan, the blood vessel of the liver will be more clearly visible. It is best to ask for "omnipaque" or equivalent contrast, which is more expensive but less likely to cause an allergic reaction. The The CT scan isn't technician dependent, and is very good for showing extension of the tumor into nearby organs and enlarged lymph glands in the vicinity of the tumor, which can represent spread to them. Other tests to visualize cancer are arteriography, where some contrast dye is injected and special X-rays are taken that show the shape of the tumor's blood vessels. Another test is the MRI scan which uses no radiation, shows the organs in the abdomen very clearly and is excellent for showing local spread and imaging nearby lymph glands. The MRI can also be given with contrast ("gadolinium") to better show the blood vessels. However, it is expensive ($1000) and requires the patient to lie almost perfectly still for an hour to be accurate. These tests are gotten to evaluate a patient for possible surgery or check their response to therapy. Other more exotic tests, such as bone scans, liver-spleen scans, or CT scans of the brain are only gotten if their are symptoms is these particular areas, and the therapy will be changed depending upon the results of these tests.5. The only way to absolutely diagnose any cancer is by getting a piece of it fo analysis, that is a biopsy of the tumor. This biopsy may be obtained by a fine needle under local anesthesia, in the radiology department using ultrasound or CAT scan to guide the needle into the tumor. Several samples are usually taken for accuracy. Risks of biopsy include spilling the tumor or bleeding the from puncturing blood vessels in the tumor, this may require an emergency operation to stop bleeding. Overall fine-needle biopsy is safe and effective; i is a very common procedure in hospital Interventional Radiology Departments The biopsy material is examined by a pathologist, a physician who specializes in diagnosing diseases from tissue samples. If cancer is detected, he will specify the particulartype, and the grade (I,II or III) which tells how aggressive the cancer is likely to be. Higher grade cancers (III ) look more "malignant" under the microscope, with numerous cell divisions and cells scantly resembling normal liver tissue. They tend to be more aggressive (likely to grow very quickly and spread). On the other hand, low grade (I ) tumors have fewer cell divisions and look much like the normal liver tissue they arose from. They are considered more "indolent" (slow growing) and less likely for early spread. Grade II tumors are considered intermediate in appearance and behavior.There can be more than one grade (or even type) of cancer in a given specimen, this is called a "mixed tumor" . If there is any doubt, more than one pathologist should review the biopsy material, since pathologists do not always agree on the diagnosis. Pathologist's themselves (obviously) know this andwill normally request a review upon any biopsy they are unsure of. It is also obviously important for the pathologist to state whether the tumor has arisen from the liver primarily, or has spread there from some other organ. Occasionally it is strongly felt the tumor did not arise in the liver, since it does not have a resemblance to liver tissue. On the other hand, it may be difficult or impossible to say just where it originated. This is called "cancer of unknown primary" and is thoroughly investigated with emphasis on re-examining the liver biopsy.

The liver is a digestive organ necessary for life. Besides helping produce bile for digestion, it produces clotting factors for the blood, essential protiens, regulates cholesterol and detoxifies drugs and poisons. The liver is very resilient, but when it develops cancer can fail quickly, leading to rapid demise of the patient.

Hearts Flying High
Some updates of my photos we have been taking last fews months.. i am so happy today cos.. haha not able to tell now.. after today bah.. then i will update what i am happy about.. heehee a bit of clue.. Dear and me be going to watch "ALL ABOUT LOVE" today.. free tickets wor.. hee how i got it? from Channel U loh.. lalala.. hee hee..

I update those photo yesterday .. Dear very cute ask me does he need to go out in order to let me update my blog.. haha well no need since you going to look at it later you dun have too.. and nothing to hide from you too.. privacy thingy ma.. well dun keep askign me when i am writing can le.. hem.. actually.. after updating i dun wish ppl to ask too.. whatever writen is all inside blog.. those not inside is do not wish to talk about.. so pls pls.. i dun wish history to repeat again k? (^_*) Love you Dear

Lose your key?? No Way.. this is Heart To Heart key chain.. (*_*) 

The Top view 

A side view of the Memories Box 

Our Memory Box.. contain alot of our sweet memories.. finally we got it after five months being together 

Let me intro!!! This is OUR LOVE ROOM..  

Salad!!!! Very delicious (i have try it) Also by Mr Lim Yong Sheng 

Guess what is this? Whip Potota.. Done by Mr Lim Yong Sheng (the big chef) (^_*) 

Heez... Mrs Lim, the chef of the day 

Nightmare

I thought my problems has solve most of it.. but in fact there is a lot hidden inside a cave.. now.. it is all coming out.. out.. haiz... Money.. i really need it.. alot.. think my planning for now is to work part time other than my currently job..

Updates of yesterday..

Two Words.. NOT GOOD.. next thursday going back again to decide what has to be done.. so afriad to lose my dad.. and his confident he be alright.. what he said yesterday really make me scare.. although he is not afriad to die.. i guess he cannot bear to leave us too.. when i say no not enough.. i saw his eyes red red too.. and i am so useless to drop tears in front of him.. but i quick run back to my room to hug my dear.. *sob*

Read quite a fews article on liver tumor.. i dun like what is written inside.. they all dun have good comment on tumor inside liver... there must be cure for this.. not just a year or two.. dun wish to say too much.. maybe i will update later as be going to toro san home.. haiz.. see ya

Hope Dad be back healthy again..

..::..A new chapter of Love Story..::..

Another 12 days more and it be 6 Month Anniversary. 6 months = Half a year.. Wah.. we have been together for so long le ah.. actually *haha got to bring it up again* we should have been together for much longer.. *counting the days* should be starting around March bah..

Hmm this month a bit budget tight.. so cannot spend too much.. was wondering 6 months le.. what can we do to have a more memorable anniversary? hmm thinking and thinking.. but most important not to forget.. WE MUST TAKE PHOTOS for this day 01/11/2005 to mark our days... *turning to dear* "Shall we go zoo on the first??" *waiting for the answer*

Zoo is some place i always want to go.. always did not have the chance and always not able to find the right person to go.. well.. this time round just we two go hao ma? *erm den who is going to take photo for us??* haha *Heizhu already start packing bag for zoo outing... Camera, Sandwich,Cap,.....*

Trying hard to forget what had happen.. and looking forward i know tomolo be a day to go hospital again.. pray for me hao ma? The result hope will not be that bad.. hmm problems... but one happy thing is alot of problem has been solve.. like sis house, hospital bills... and living together... haiz.. finding another part time job now.. always cannot find somethign suitable.. GV pay too low.. and i try to find those cafe job.. hope to have some luck these fews day.. Dear please dun blame me for neglecting you k.. you know my reason.. Love You Lots, Muacks

After Terror...

Finally we talk out about what happen.. why am i treating him so coldly.. i know no one will like that .. even i dun.. i was told i simply stop those care to him.. well i told him how i felt.. i need time.. i must thanks Dear for not doing what i did to him back to me.. i guess i might not hold on and give up if that is me... i am truely sorry.. you need not to be sorry of those hurt you have given me.. i dun blame you.. when you ask how is my hand? i dun intend to tell you... hmm it is really nothing at all.. physical hurt is not more than mental de.. dear.. you understand?

Went to wlny to see how the outcome for what i had post yesterday.. it make me clear and more possible.. it might be him who did those thingy in my cbox.. those things he said i really got to "pei fu" him.. can make up those things that did not happen.. lucky i did tell all to Dear what had happen.. nothing but truth.. ok sorry dear i know i should not be bringing him up again.. last time k..

From the posting in wlny make me recalls some thing happen a fews month back.. now i understand how that guy feel when he is in between two gers.. and one is his loved one.
ZZZ!!! let me summarize this story ok:so-called '3rd party' and this guy met. started to be frens. this guy FAKE and say no gf. then '3rd' likes him. BUT, this guy nv FALL for her before. so they nv fall for each other like wat jinni said. then this guy went back to the gf, actually not say went back, cuz nv broke before. just admitted his mistake. as to why the guy behaves that way, it's either he's the fool ard type (if so, then why '3rd' u still wants to like him leh), or maybe he in bad mood quarreled with gf, so do that to spite gf. so now he made up with the gf liao, he's happily with gf. then 3rd also know the truth. so everyone move on with ur lives and stop this chilidish and waste time game ok.

At that moment of time i dun understand why would he still chose to go back his gf, and why would his gf forgivehim.. well now i understand.. gf accept him as she still love him a lot unable to put down.. and that apply to my dear too.. he loves me *right dea?* As for the guy.. guess at the moment of foolish he went fling around and causes so much trouble.. just like me.. but guess both of us manage to awake in time to find out who do we really love and that is why we chosen the one we love.. the short term so-called "relationshp" was not even counted as one.. the ger might just be fooling around with that guy..

Whatever it is.. story has end.. so no more things for you all to see ... it be another new start for other story...

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This two songs has been running into my mind again and again last night.. Something "big" happen last night.. dun wish to talk about it le.. i have said.. i wish to forget.. why bring all up? that does not help.. Still flashing back yesterdya night what had happen.. a terror to me bah.. but have to swallow it... recalling yesterday after i read my past blog in April.. i dunno will my feeling be still the same.. Going to lunch tiem soon.. i dunno recall anything le.. one thing i should comment .. i can really sleep.. fall asleep at 8 plus last night, wake up at 10 plus.. it continue again around 11 bah.. wah.. i can really sleep

Liars & Empty Promise

Looking from WLNY i know someone has got attach.. This is something i should feel happy for him.. although not able to talk about this to Toro as it is still something unhappy between us..(it make me feel to let go sometime) so i should to write it down here...and bury it deep down inside my heart..

A passerby ask.. am i happy for this relationship? Should I answer a YES or NO? I am happy with my bf now.. why should i be having those hurt feeling when i know he is attach? YES i am hurt to know he is attach but where on earth do i have the authority to be hurt? so my answer is a NO .. i am not.. i wish them well and hope my dear would forget all this sooner or later..

Empty promise.. i hate people to give me this.. but i did it to someone.. well.. i run away from from problem and chose to stick to what i have now.. i dun regret.. really i dun.. cos i know he do love me too.. do you still? i guess your love should all be divert to her now.. ya she will not lie and promises between you two are made to fulfill together..

I would now be just passerby.. a unknown person to all.. finally i made the decision to disappear.. from my own heart..

Tired and Cough

It is monday again.. soo sooo sooooo tired.. hmm always did not manage to watch finish " My date with a vampire" i will doze off le.. as usual lifestyle.. saturday fetch my dad back home then again travel down to jurong to find dear.. Dear really treat me so good.. i say i am craving for BK he went to IMM to buy it for me while i was on my way.. haha although we calculate the timing should be right when i reach.. in the end due to dear searching for mosquito i waited for him downstair till he come back with my fav mushroom swiss.. hee hee..

Last saturday guess i really ate a lot.. imagine i had "Yong Tau foo" for lunch then meet dear le we have BK then right after that Dear was not full so he got himself rice and soup to eat.. as for me i dun like rice so i drink the soup.. *erm.. i should say it is a big bowl with lots of ingredient inside*

After that we rest for a while.. haha GB again.. then saw kor online so ask where he is loh.. They were going to Green Forest that day.. so we decided to join them there for a while.. haha i am a bad nagvigator.. as we park our car quite far up, so we had to walk a long way to meet up with kor and then walk to Green Forest.... hmm overall.. that is a cozy place with not much crowd.. unlike FP no cute ladies there to serve you.. but i should say their songs is quite up to date.. the pool table is better than those pub.. and those greeny plants..and fishes..

Pool Game.. that night i play not bad wor.. but still lose to next table gers.. erm or should i say XXXXX... hmm i dun understand why that night all guys told me that guy very li hai.. zzzzzzz.. cannot they see is a lady?? hmm... Dear skill did not perform all out.. i know he can perform much better..

Overall comment : Green Forest give you a feeling to relax and the greeny thingy dun freak you out.. unlike when you really walking through forest.. there a lots of entertanment to let you play.. but those pub smelly is one thing i cannot accept.. although the place is not smoky but the cigrette smell is still there.. I dun mind to go there again.. but will refrain bah.. and see how dear feels about it..

Overall comment :

Colorectal cancer, also called colon cancer or bowel cancer, includes cancerous growths in the colon, rectum and appendix. It is the third most common form of cancer and the second leading cause of death among cancers in the Western world. Many colorectal cancers are thought to arise from adenomatous polyps in the colon. These mushroom-like growths are usually benign, but some may develop into cancer over time. Diagnosis is by colonoscopy. Therapy is usually through surgery, with many cases also requiring chemotherapy.

Symptoms
Symptoms of colorectal cancer include:
Change in bowel habits.
Blood in stools (melena, hematochezia).
Bowel obstruction (rare) by the tumor
Often, the symptoms are much less specific:
Unexplained weight loss.
Anemia, with symptoms such as tiredness, malaise, pallor
Hepatomegaly (enlargement of the liver) due to spreading of the tumor
It is also possible that there will be no symptoms at all. This is one reason why some recommend periodical screening for the disease.

Broking Down Me Some update for the past fews days.. i have been very busy.. running here and there.. HOME --> NUH -- > HOME sometime even work ... haiz.. like this thursday i think i have to go to NUH den rush back to work.. cos office not enough ppl.. Dad condition is not turning any good.. i am so scare.. worried keep climibing up into my mind.. i could not control anymore and broke down yesterday in front of Toro san.. i guess i gave him a scare.. well.. i did not expect i will cried.. i just hope to tell him what has been in my mind.. and why i give him attitude again.. thanks for him to be understanding.. so i am back here fine and fighting with my dad against everything.. Saturday i was at Toro san house.. actually now when i am at his home i am afriad my phone to ring.. if it rings i hope it is not my family members.. just so scare it might be sth happen at home so they call me.. anyway what i wanted to say was not this.. hhaha i think i am really going to be Lim's Family daughter -in-law.. haha we had breakfast in the morning then Toro san call his mum asking who be cooking today (which is saturday lah) and i dunno why it turn out to be be to cook.. hahah and they was back quite early that day... his mum and dad.. so both was at the kitchen looking at me cook and talking to me.. the feeling was i am so neavous.. and where has toro san go to?? his project.. poor me got to handle them alone.. lucky dinner was not bad.. got comment i know how to cook heehee.. *ahem.. getting a bit proud* wahahah Went Toa Payoh yesterday.. while on our way back.. a watch by JL catch my eyes.. so was like glancing through those design .. as when Toro san came find me ask me what i was looking.. so i say i know what i am going to get for our one year le.. a couple watch hee den i tell him " After a year being together, The watch is to remark our following days of being together.. it stand for every minute and second i cherish you .. " hee hee very "gan dong" bah.. hmm never have i give a watch to any ppl so it is a special gift.. and i say give me this half a year to save up in order to buy this gift.. hee hope by 01/05/2006 i be able to find a couple watch which suit both of us and i can afford.. haha this is the most important.. Ipod Mini/ Ipod Nano??? Hmm Dear almost able to get his Ipod Mini on saturday.. but too bad something crop up so unable to buy.. but at least give him a picture he has to pay more when he using instalment to pay for it.. really not worht it.. better try hard next time bah.. hee hee

hOW To MaKe A MemorY loST 4eVEr??

If you have any method please tell me.. cos i am facing this problem now.. i know dear not able to forget things that he mind.. keeping it make both of us unhappy but problem is losing it.. How? how to make him forget and will not get angry when talk about sth that might link to "him"...
Everytime i said to him.. it is all my fault should not be angry of him.. but it seem just get the hate off him.. i am out of ideas.. and everytime when talk to this.. we will be unhappy and i chose to avoid.. "tao bi" everything .. dun wish to talk or even say.. cos i am tired..

I am a FAILURE.. i fail to make my dear to make him love me and trust me again.. fail to give him all the hope he need.. i guess what i did is more hurt than now what i try to compensate.. failure of me.. sometime i will tend to think.. does he chose to hold me back becos he wanted a revenge or "bu fu shu"... i hate guessing.. even though a lot of thing which goes into his mind i dun need to think too much.. cos.. i always know what is on his mind.. ... it happen a lot of time le.. WHat i should do?? I know "li kai" is not a good solution.. but What more i can do? Tell me??

Fifth Month Anniversary

Today is our Fifth Month being together le.. i should be feeling happy... as after so many things happen between us we are still together.. but Toro san i have to say.. the following months we are going to go through will be very very hard le.. *you should know why* i hope you be able to stand by me and go through it with me.. but if in future you find that you were unable to take it anymore.. or you think there is other better gers out there who do not need you to worry and think so much i will not stop you.. I have to say.. Thanks Dear for loving me all this while.. putting up with my temper and caring me like a Princess...

Yesterday went to the clinc with my dad.. things not turning any good as we wish.. there is something growing inside my dad liver.. Whatever i can do now is to wait.. wait till monday.. when he see a specialist then we know the result.. maybe Toro san did not know.. my mind keep flashing the words the doctor had tell me.. indeed i am very scare.. and i might not able to hold my worry and sadness anymore...i might just break down anytime.. a few times yesterday i have nearly about to broke down... i know i cannot.. i am the only pillar.. i cannot collapse.. I HAVE TO BE STRONG!! No matter what.. a lot of thigns has been unsaid to my dad yet.. i hope in the near future i will still be able to tell him a lot a lot of my life things.. Yesterday i saw my dad smiling .. although he was in pain when he smile i cherish that it has been a long time i have not seen him smile le..




I really wish i am the one to suffer and not them...

Worry.. ��� 蹇�

hmm yah recently problem seem to keep arising from home.. First sis moving back my home, then yesterday my dad went to see doctor due to his stomach pain.. and found out it might be something wrong with his liver.. it make me so uneasy and i almost broke down during work.. so worry for him as although he is in pain he still drive to my sis there to unload her clothes.. so heartpain when sis tell me that my dad even have diffculty to close the car door.. so worry he might half way in pain while driving.. it be very dangerous..

Yesterday was a tiring day too.. cook dinner for them and iron those clothes.. lucky me and my sis share half the burden.. i iron my dad, Toro san and my own.. then she iron her family one.. while ironing i suddenly pop out to Toro san.. "I hate my mum" must be shock bah.. i dunno why .. i use to love her and think she the best in the world.. but i dun understand was has got into her.. is money the evil thingy changes every human who owns it? Maybe to her yes.. i dunno.. but i got planning when she come back i going to declare war.. hate her from doing all those stupid things and make my dad suffer.. i just hope one whole family can be happily together .. why just i can't fulfill this dream.. why...

Look What You Have Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Mood Swinging Up and Down

Well guess recently my mood been swinging very high up and suddenly down again.. Toro san should be tolerating very "xin ku" .. I dunno.. sometime i find it hard to believe in him although i know he will not lie to me.. but why every thing i have to ask so detail b4 i got the final real answer.. i dun understand.. and if so unhappy about me.. tell me straight in face dun slam my house door.. i feel you just feel dread to be with me.. to be with me.. i dunno.. am i thinking too much.. Fifth month coming.. all those bad feeling keep coming in.. i really dunno how to handle all this feeling... please make all this go away.. i hate it..

I dunno.. i know i should not be thinking all this.. but i really have to ask.. where has the promise gone to? When you promise me you will quit.. was it just to stop me from nagging at you or you really want to? Looking at you everyday holding the stick on your hands make me more and more irritated.. i wish i could throw it away for you.. but i can't cos i know this is not what i should do.. i should be the one standing beside you helping you to quit.. but as days goes by you slowly change from asking me "Can I?" into a habit thingy .. the asking part have skip.. if you cannot change.. what should i do? Tolerate it or go along with you and smoke.. ?? WHy just i cannot fulfill this dream...why??