~ 23 days without him by my side ~

Ok set from now onwards i will only use this colour.. hmm it represent happiness and sweet.. well hope my life be that sweet and loving from now on.. am i able to?? haha who can answer me?

Yesterday i have my down down mood.. very bad.. cos this time came so down that i cried ... haiz.. dunno why our human brains can be like that.. dun ask me why.. there is nothing that made me unhappy just that i think of the past and for all those misses i have for him made me so down..

hump a fews days no contact so bad... the feelings is so miserable.. i can only complain and keep thinking.. other than that there is nothing i can do le.. haiz. haiz.. haiz..

I guess i got nothing much to chat about today le bah.. exam coming so tonight is my last lesson and so tips be giving today.. hope it will end early too i am very very tired today.. i want to replenhish my beauty sleep.. and look forward for my friday.. not to play but to stay home and study.. but guess i might go out to coffee bean to study real hard to concentrate at home with all those "you huo" tempting me.. like the tv, my books, and my bed.. really got to start revising more..

Tomolo might not able to update cos in noon i be going on course will not be in office after lunch so you all dun miss my blog too much.. cos no update be given.. hahaha hmm so to compensate i write more rubbish today.. haha.. guess no more le got to go class le tata..

BACKSTREET BOYS LYRICS
"How Did I Fall In Love With You?"

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,Alone
Those days are gone, and I want so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

[chorus:]What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,Alone tonight

[chorus:]What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

[Bridge:]Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

[chorus:]What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall,in love ,with you?

~ 22 days without him by my side ~

Hmm 3 days did not chat with him le.. miss his voice and the way how he makes me laugh with all the conversation we have.. why huh?? hmm fallen so hard so fast this time.. lol.. i guess it is more than lex.. and another who i should never bring it up in my blog again.. cos those memory is not good.. and i have done my part to complete cut off everything with him.. hope they be fine and happy ever after..

This morning i had a dream.. a bit not that good one.. erm it is about Thomas's grandma.. haiz.. suddenly dream of her.. so got worry and so "qiao" thomas sms good morning today so i thanks him for that nice good morning sms and ask how is his grandma... heard from him, she fall down again last week.. got quite worry.. haiz.. old people must care more for them.. this is not the first time she fall.. why can't someone look after her, by her side??

haha why am i thinking all this?? He does not relate to me anymore le.. well i still remember Grandma treat me very good bah.. still frenz ma.. hope he find his happiness too..

Chat with Hua zai last night.. hmm not bad cos we did not got angry of anything or even quarrel bah.. that is a good thing right? (or all this is just what i am thinking?) i dunno.. i did talk to him about my recent part time job too.. well he once work that b4.. asking for his opinion.. ok loh.. now is just trying my luck whether i get the job.. well he did tell me some pros and cons.. but guess i just ask him to give me some hope and he start to console me.. thanks k.. i dunno whether will you be reading cos i know you have been avoiding cos dun wanna be sad.. i know.. so well this thanks maybe you might not see it bah.. (-_-")

Just read a few ppl blog.. well nerd is busy hardly online too.. and kor sometime go into msn he not online.. but i guess i am too busy too.. cannot chat with them online..as office ppl even Jane also cannot let them see i am using.. or else i will be death.. haiz.. so just too bad.. but still have wlny ma.. i got chat inside sometimes loh..

This sunday got sentosa outing.. was thinking to go one.. but i am just afriad Toro be back by then and i want to be with him.. wondering will he go with me?? i dunno dun dare to wish cos everytime he will say go with your frenz i go find my own program.. but he does not know i dun wanna left him alone.. i hope he could go with me... but never mind i dun wanna force cos it will not be a happy one if i force..

To balance both Him and outing i will still chose him.. so it does not matter.. next time still can go one ma.. (^_^) ok ok got to start work le.. tata

hmm now is 1337 and no one in the office.. haha well no one in so that mean no mood to work.. cos nobody is watching.. hmm take some time off to do my personal thingy.. but actually also nothing much.. guess frenz is getting lesser lesser again.. well.. i dunno should i say it is good or not.. but i guess now i am happy with it ba.. was chatting with frenz about when is he getting married.. haha so the cleaning auntie was saying a verb "yuan tian hua zhuo bi yi niao, yuan ti hua wei lian li zhi" haha so romantic huh?? hmm dunno when will i have this phrase use on me huh??

Exactly 21 days without him by my side..

miss him so much.. but recently dunno why.. i will smile without any reason.. hmm telepathy again huh Toro san.. lol i dunno maybe his mood is good so my mind got link and i got happy too.. so when he call really got to ask him was he really happy recently..

So anyone know what is soul mate??

Got answer ma?? message me tell me about it.. see whether you got the answer right ma..

My Nerdy Look.. hahaha

heehee erm a more act cute photo AND the most important thingy is saw my two fingers hor!! i did not point middle finger this time..wahahah

Another tilt one.. haha well have try to maxi my blog width but without much help.. but at least sth new.. well this photo took it yesterday at home while waiting phone call of Toro.. trying out to smile more.. haha but quite ugly..

hee hee hmm got realise today i did not put any date ma? keke hmm well got a feelings he be coming back le.. i ask one of those navy frenz heehee.. end of this month today he told me he be starting to go sailing and will not have any reception.. so i guess he is sailing out today and might be reaching by this friday hee so looking forward.. but shhh.. i must pretend i dunno hor.. or else how he is going to give surprise to me?? haha stupid of me.. *bleh* no lah.. roughly know when he is coming back but i dun wish to put too much hope if not if he does not appear this week guess i be very disappointed.. but if he is going to come back this weeks.. i got to say sorry folks.. i might not be joinging you all to sentosa.. i want to "pei" him .. to compensate what i have lost this fews weeks.. hee hee.. sorry ah "ai qing bi you qing lai de da"

Hmm i made a stupid stunt yesterday too.. well i thought my home that lan shop has internet so i happy walk there hoping to be able to chat with Toro using msn.. in the end wtf !!! they dun have online in the end i spend a fews dollar for nothing.. i dun play lan... haiz.. and guess what i do next??? i try to call eric and james.. they both going out so the next one come into my mind is dixon.. i call him.. so lucky he is at home and not going out yet .. and so off i went to use home to use pc for an hour.. but haha he stay at hougang( somewhere near bowen) me at hougang point off i went walk walk walk to his home.. when i reach i was sweating like mad.. but the first thingy i do i greet his dad then rush into his room to use msn.. haha very stupid hor?? but i guess worth it... *smile*

I still got a thing i have not tell Toro.. i am not sure will he approve it.. i am wondering does nerd side got anyone disapprove her (erm she should know what i am talking about) haiz.. think waiting till he come back i find a chance to tell him.. hope everything be fine.. hmm i shall stop here and prepare myself to go home le.. tata.. hope i be able to cover some of my study today.. need to rush le.. 05/05 exam.. i want to score As.. ok ok byebye

Kekke.. well like that you have to tilt your head to see.. something new right?? lol

~ 26 Days to go ~

Hmm today got another news from office.. they decide to give me more job to do.. that means more things to remember, more things to learn.. although there be an increase in pay but i guess.. like that i have to learn to be more independant more faster and not rely to Jane.. actually since when i start to rely on Jane so much?? guess i should not have ask her so much question and memorise all on my own.. that should be me.. and guess through that i learn much faster??

Yesterday when Toro call me.. he drank quite a lot le.. although not to the extend to drunk but maybe i dun like it too.. he is not by my side.. kinda afriad without me, he is drunk and there is nothing i can do to help him.. eg. what if he vomit?? what if he cannot walk?? who there to wipe, to take care of him.. haiz.. guess me think really too much..

haha well i wish upon the sky to not to be so cloudy.. both me and Toro cannot see stars.. our link together .. so we wish upon to see stars light stars bright.. hmm can someone send email to heaven to inform them.. haha me think too much le...

Tomolo planning to go gym in the noon then after that night time go fp to play pool sing songs.. well no liquor for me le.. still thinking what can we drink?? coke?? sprite?? sky juice?? hmm..

Ok i shall stop here.. anything fun thing i will update you all again.. tata

~ 27 days without him by my side ~

hmm looking at the countdowns days.. i know it is getting nearer to the days he be coming back.. this morning check my mail.. wah.. just a day not in office i got so many many emails in my inbox.. but nothing much more value than the email from Chris Lim.. lol *shy* but i was too late to stop him from readings my blog.. i dun wanna him to worry.. through conversation we chat at night.. i did not tell him a lot of things well he say will not blame me.. thanks k.. i dun mean to lie to you on this thingy and not bocos dun wanna share.. is you are already so busy with work.. k..

hmm looking forward when he come out.. been thinking how will he appear cos he say that be a surprise.. first clue is i will hears "ai de lu shan zhi you wo he ni" song sang by him .. hmm will it be at my house or at ktv.. one thing i am sure is i will cry.. cos b4 he left.. i sang this song to him.. and i cry.. cos thinking of him and those times we have.. so i guess... i will cry.. *sob* even now when think of him i feel like crying.. miss him so much...

Me going to school le well guess tonight i must sleep early le.. getting a bit sore throat.. falling sick.. no one take care so poor thing.. *sob sob* nerd nerd so busy with guys.. me haiz.. eat myself.. lol no lah just joking.. k really got to go tata...

~ 14 days without him by my side ~

Although we are hundreds miles away from each other.. we share the same piece of sky.. but i hope now we dun think alike.. cos i am not in good mood.. very very down... becos of work.. haiz.. unlike my kor.. got nerd nerd by his side.. me?? got no one to suggest anything.. no one to talk.. no one i feel like talking to .. i should say.. very rely on him.. so when is he coming back!!!

Haiz i cannot blame him.. just want to let out my feelings in here.. somethings i hold it in my heart very much.. it makes myself miserable.. but i just cannot let go.. cos that is me.. i am trying le k.. now this period i am so vunerable.. so i rather kept myself at home thinking of him rather to go out.. i dun wanna becos of my sadness come in another guy into my life.. and in the end.. i miss a good chance.. think you all should know what i mean.. haiz.. anyway i also dunno who is reading nowadays..

Hmm school today.. and it is presentation time.. so scare cos in the end i might be the one to do presentation lol... but i have it prepare.. wish me lucks folks..

~ 29 days to go ~

It is actually two weeks ever since i last seen Toro.. well nothing much still misses him a lot.. but why am i here so early to update my blog?? cos maybe i dun have a chance to log in again le bah.. I be quitting here leh.. that means i be jobless soon.. and i got a lots of things to think about.. have to start planning to find a new job.. all this i did not tell him last night.. i dun wanna him to worry.. but i am not sure will he come online to see my blog.. but well.. when he ask or till the day i see him again then i will tell him.. 4 weeks more only mah.. less than a month.. in the mean time i should be able to get a job..

Now i hate growing up.. there a frenz tell me.. dun look at problem as problem but guess i cannot.. cos it is problem and it needs to solve.. Money is the most evil thing but Money help you to survive too.. never ever be able to leave without that.. i am stupid cos i even got the idea to end my life.. like that my family be able to get a sum of money and the flat they are living will not need to pay anymore.. very stupid of me to think of that.. but when human have seen this world has been so hopeless i guess they think the same way as me too.. but i am just not walk the end of road yet.. i still can solve those problems which i just maybe cannot accept it..

Yesterday really need a person to chat.. i am really very down.. i call Hua zai to talk.. just simple tell him i need someone to talk to forget my trouble and thanks. he did not say much abt each of us.. we just talk about others things ...

Wish toro was here.. den i might be that miserable cos he can be the one to look at the problem and solve or just give solution to me.. but i dun wanna him to worry.. haiz..

Well i gonna go back to work.. we shall see how the situation will be.. Take Cares Folks
Will Always Love You All..

~ 31 days to go ~

Today is a Sunday.. I am at home slacking.. have not start to do my finally work for my project.. yesterday meet up two groups of classmates to see how are they going about in their project.. different from ours and I should say they do much more better than us?? Well ours method is different from theirs.. and they use a lot of slide for theirs unlike us just 4 only.. but lucky we did meet up at least now I know we lack of a content and a overview in our work��� so think later I need to go finish up my project slide.. lucky they are more better now.. two guys are helping out for the project so the summary part and the content page for the report is settle..See the top of my intro the days i am counting down?? hmm it is getting lesser le.. 31 days is a month and a month has fours weeks... (*_^) soon it be just down to a week.. and soon the day of my exam will be that a week le.. i found out i have count wrongly le.. he is not back on the 10 of May but another week more 17 May.. ten days before my bdae.. no problem i will settle everything before he come back..

Hmm about last night at fp.. ok loh.. my pool skill getting better wor.. and the ���bao bao shen gong��� is back.. ever since I stop working at the jurong football club I have not really been playing and practicing.. so that ���bao bao shen gong��� have been kept in the fridge at home le hahah.. other than that nothing much le.. well in the end chivas still unable to finish cos Dixon did not drink any and the boi boi Neyton drank only a bit.. the most is Janet and Jasper cum me.. *bleh* thought we could finish it and there will not be the next time to go there le.. hmm guess there might be another week there?? But well they can go without me too lah..

Just watching the second last disc of My date with a vampire.. took me 4 tissue again.. haiz.. so sad for ���Kwang Tian Ya��� cos separation is never good bah.. and the most sadness thingy is.. not her willingness to leave them.. but to think if the ending for ���Kwang Tian Ya��� have not been this way.. how it will be leh?? Cos in the end was the ���mie shi��� is fake.. if ���Ma Xiao Ling & Kwang Tian You��� still stay as in the past.. follow the future.. ���Tian Ya will not disappear and they will not be so sad bah.. hmm I very ���wu liao��� to write these into my blog .. maybe I just wanna share where I have seen and do recently and also my thinking..

Yesterday I expect someone to appear or call me to tell me he is somewhere near my place��� but in the end my phone did not ring.. I guess he needs time to cool down and forget about me��� I shouldn���t message him bah.. I guess this will only made him more sad and more miserable, I dunno I thought everyone will think like me bah.. but I have forgotten if it is someone that I used to love and care guess I will need some time to cool down before I be able to see that person again.. I will give him time.. hope when the time I have my bdae celebration.. he be able to turn up.. to enjoy together.. and hope he be ���xin fu��� too���

Today will not have much to do too bah.. not intending to go out no mood too.. and just hope to stay home.. dad and mum too very concern about me.. I can feel it cause they will ask am I hungry buy food for me.. as long they see me at home.. and funny thingy is I dun feel bored .. I am able to entertain myself with work and household thingy.. I still have not tidy up my room.. keke someone complaining I put my things so messy.. whatever he say I change.. guess this is the power of love?? lol *bleh*

PS: Hei Zhu ���ni ke bie yang yang de yi��� kekekekek
Ok I shall end here.. got to finish my vcd and a lots of thingy to do at home.. you all too enjoy your weekend.. but play hard not to forget to work hard.. tomolo is Monday dun get Monday blue wor.. tata

~ 33 days to go ~

Ok ok so full now��� just finish my dinner at home.. keke mum finally got back and cook the first dinner after so long of break.. (haha actually not consider break cos when mum working she cook for others.. now keke finally it is our family le..

Tomolo going to meet up with classmates again to discuss and to rehearsal for the presentation.. very very tired now.. tomolo still have to wake up at ten ..cannot sleep to whatever time I want.. haha me very piggy hor??

Yesterday night Toro call me again.. so happy that even he is busy he still took some time to call but I dun dare to see the phone bill for this month for him le.. almost everyday we chat.. hmm guess I got save more money for this month.. have to help him pay half right.. cos partly he call is for me..

Hmm yesterday was not that happy becos of work.. cos while on the way to school I sat Jane car .. in the car we were dicussing about my attitude towards work.. well guess that dept. has been telling her a lot of stupid things.. but I am trying to do well in work recently le.. I just dun understand why they wanna keep bringing up the past to say.. I dun understand why just becos of one mistake I made they have so much things to say?? Recently I am like the centre of topic always have topic on me.. but really what I have to do??

But thanks to Jane.. cos she gave me some information of what that stupid AM is trying to do.. Becos of the inventory she proposed to my manager to employ another person to take care of inventory den either Joey have to go or me.. do you know what that AM said?! She have confident to made me go back to sit back at the receptionist seat..

Fat hope to her.. well guess she thought I have to have this job to survive so I have to swallow all those things!!?? No way.. but lucky my manager think that too .. but to him is feel lose face.. that why.. so from now I have to strive hard and do better .. or else.. haiz..

Hmm today seem a bit long windy huh?? Lol.. hmm guess cos me too much thingy to complain le.. but I feel recently I really change le.. Morning go work.. after work go back home or go school.. a bit no life huh?? Haha and soon I am also only left with Plain water and Oolong tea to drink.. hmm.. keke..i made change for who ah?? You all go guess bah..

*argh* this is my second time to write this same blog le.. so angry ... oh ok now have to try to recall what i have written...

hmm think my intro can be skip le since this is the second time.. i shall just write why i am able to come online now to update my blog.. hmm as was doing project i have borrow my colleague pc to bring home use .. hmm below i forgotten le.. guess i was saying how good he is to lend me loh..
ok ok back to the point why i decided to come online ...

At 8.40 pm , Toro call me.. hmm did not expect him to call that early as i thought today his sailing will be the same like yesterday till 11+.. but it turn out today is much eariler.. but he got one bad new and two good news for me... haiz.. which one should i say first ... ok let talk about the bad one first .. well first be unhappy den at least i still have two good ones to cheer me up..

Bad News (-_-") = After today guess tomolo , the day after tomolo, and next day day tomolo will not be able to call me to chat le.. he be going for excerise and it last for 48 hrs.. that means.. hmm.. that means to say saturday i might den be able to hears his voice again or will be sunday le.. so sad...

Good News (*_^) = Actually also not consider a news bah.. it is somethign that he did that make me feel so sweet... First was the moment he call me he ask what happen to my family .. i was shock as i remember i did not want to let him know as i dun wanna him to worried and think of problem solving for me.. but guess i cannot hide it from him and so i told him about it.. why i dun wanna him to know cos i know he has a lot of thing to note at work le.. dun wanna to put another burden to him..also other than work he should think of me.. keke ME only.."thick skin huh" but it was so sweet that he made efforts to remember those things i have say.. cos remember he always have short term memory?? Another one was.. when he talks about he is unable to call me .. he add a but behind.. guess what did he say?? kekek he will keep looking up the sky .. i will too k!!! those stars and clouds is the link from me to you.. *sob.. feel like crying again le lah*

Really like the way how he treat me.. i enjoy a lot.. hmm i really hope everything turns out well for us and we can really last.. he has his ways to attracts me.. and the best was he do not need to do anything just be his natural self.. that is the best le.. (^_^)

Just now i wrote til here when i try to change the colour of my text when it all disappear.. so sad..and i complain to Toro cos he call me again.. hmm he comment something able my colour of the text need improvement.. Kaoz... how come he does not know those colour represent the mood for that particular paragraph?? dun tell me no one know about it?? i be very very sad.. haiz.. but my Mr Panda say dun worry for his intelligent he be able to figure those colour stand for what moods..zzzz he ah... haiz.. but i just simply like the way he is... *smile*

Ok shall stop here and go orr orr le.. tomolo still a long way to go.. nitez...

~ 35 days to go ~

Ok an update of my yesterday.. but i agree with nerd.. it is hard to get back the feeling i have yesterday.. as.. after a night sleep and a whole day work.. last night those feeling are gone.. but i dun wish them to be in my mind too.. cos it is unhappy ones.. so well.. maybe just wanna write in here to speak up my point of view in life..

Well I use to think that life is long we still have a long way to go till we are 70 + or even 80 + but then what happen yesterday changes my point of view.. one of my classmate pass away .. not becos he is sick or what .. he even is a healthy man which love to play soccer .. haiz.. the cause of death is unknown but what i want to say is LIFE IS SO FRAGILE , you never know what will happen next.. just like i maybe happily writing blog now.. but maybe when i am on my way back i got knock by car and die.. it happen just so fast witnout any signal... so i guess we should treasure people around us and really do whatever we like.. never know if we have the chance to do it again ma.. as it might be able to happen again.. haha very "you gan er fa"

Next i want to complain..!!! argh although mum is coming back on the 15.. heard from sis she be going to work on the 20 *sob* which means.. i got no warm dinner to eat again.. i be getting skinny soon.. *sob*.... and.. recently family have some problem.. was thinking how to solve it.. but guess have to wait till 20th then can make decision.. going to wait for news.. i hope it be a good one.. or else.. i dunno what my world going to be..

Ok going back le.. see you guys..

OST - Till The End

All these precious moments,
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven,
That's holding me all night
I don't know how I found you,
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true,
To hold, to keep, to share
In my heart
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love
I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end

In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it all I know
That you're come to see that you're the one till the end

All my friends around me,
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home

We'll always be till the end

~ 36 days to go ~

Is it hard to get my smile from frenz nowadays mah?? my smile already faded le ma?? or was is just becos of Toro left sg .. i left with him?? Hua Zai gave me comment and comment about my happiness is no longer there for ppl to see .. why??

i dunno.. yesterday really really talk it out.. he knows that i am treating him coldly and he knows that i am kinda telling i have made my decision.. so guess.. i did loh.. Sorry to him.. i guess i have broke his heart again and again.. never should i gave him hope in the first place.. but i dunno why things turn out to be this way.. i told him.. you dun understand how i think and feel.. dunno about what i am talking about.. dunno what i wanted to do.. i hope to avoid the question why force me to face .. face le you will only be in the losing end.. i cannot deny i dun miss him.. i just dun tell you about it. cos i know you mind about it.. finally when i know that everytime i talk to you about him.. you did mind about it.. so i stop.. but i dun lie.. i change becos Toro.. i change not to lie.. but i know i hide things from ppl.. not telling them i was hurt.. i am unhappy and every other little thingys ran into my mind.. but they read and know through my blog.. and i know.. my blog is all about him.. cos he is the one who keep running into my mind.. how can i stop?? you made me clear who i really like.. it is also not becos i dun wanna write about you.. but to think back.. do we have anything to be remember or write for this fews days?? NO there is nothing for me to put in... i guess.. i have to put a full stop of all this.. i hope the next time when we talk we will not end up quarreling and hope we can be able to talk like frenz again...

~ First Week Without Him (7 Days) ~

Well.. i forget to talk about that saturday we went FP.. well hmm.. Neyton is cute and Dixon is a powerful singer.. glad to see everyone enjoy bah.. just too bad Dixon have to left early.. and as for Neyton.. sorry to kept calling you "Xiao Di" cos you really so cute that i will " qing bu zi jing " to disturb you.. and you dun seem to mind too.. Kawaii !!! (^_^)

Today,... me very very blur.. drink water can drink till my pants got wet.. *blush* and then me blur blur buy two burger in the morning .. in the end i have a very heavy breakfast kaoz.. so full... guess nerd nerd virus still not clear... ok got to get back to work.. cya

~37 days to go~

Hmm friday blogger was having problem so what i have wrote that day was unable to publish it.. and i got no time to re write so well maybe today i shall write a longer one?? keke ok firstly i have to "report" what i have done last week.. met up with classmates to do my project on saturday and after that i went to fp.. *blush* a bit guilty i did not tell Toro about it.. but hor i got tell Yong Wei hor!!! Sunday did not went anywhere.. was hoping i be able to receive an important phone call.. haiz... so that my weekends.. spending my time at home.. slacking..

~ Day 6 without him by my side ~

Finally got that special phone call from the special person.. never know both of us been thinking each others so much... the moment he call.. he start saying.. " do you know how much i misses you? even in my dreams i dreamt of you.. I miss you alot.." all this is so sweet.. cos i am missing him like that too.. thinking of him.. dreaming of him.. and we have one thing in common.. we will always look up to the sky and thinking the other party is it looking up the sky ma?? haha what he do is the same as me.. so i am confident he is feeling the same as me.. and he is true to me.. *smiling confidently* me so useless too lah.. the moment i know he call.. i broke down.. in the bus leh... i was crying and laughing the same time.. knowing that he reaches TW safely.. but he did got hurt.. reason cos he got no mood to work kept thinking of me.. i just hope this thirty plus days quick quick pass.. looking forward him to sail back.. but then we will have to no contact for 5 days again.. but guess the coming five days will not be like this bah.. cos knowing he is coming back... *smile*

ok ok shall stop here le.. me gonna get back to work..

Planning for today? : hmm went back home straight after work cos i actually got no mood to meet anyone now..

~ 41 days to go ~

Second day of sailing le.. was wondering how is he doing in the " big big ship " .. haiz.. got eat ma?? He say when he come back he want to be big big size wor.. i guess i might be able to help him heehee... cos before he left he already was saying hmm.. i think i am getting a bit fleshy.. kekeke.. of cos always go out with me.. i will order lots of things just want to make him finish his and mine portion.. ekek like that not fat very hard hor...

Today i am quite blur too.. while walking to my office building my heels got caught on the stairs.. hahah and i do those "ah" sound.. so paisei.. cos in front was a lady going inside the lift.. lucky she did wake for me lah.. but so paisei cos that "ah" hahahah.... *blush*

Thinking..... thinking.... thinking...

Have been thinking what to buy for him when he come back...cook something for him?? or cookies?? erm.. or gifts that he like?? or all of the above..???

no lah i dun think so cos if i am to do all.. there will be no surprises for him in future le...also.. cookies very long time no do le.. got to find back my notes..hahaha....

~ Day 2 without him in my life ~

I miss him... haiz... also dunno why.. keep having his image and sound in my mind flashing here and there... what to do now..??? Even Hua Zai is saying i have change.. ever since he left my tone change , my mood too.. the only time my mood be energentic is when i talk about him... his so-called jokes.. cos those are not plan by him.. he is simply so cute... kekekek.....(^_^)

Reading the book Man are from Mars Woman are from Venus , Chapter 3

This chapter is talking about man, their thinking and the way that they behave... but i find those does not look like what Toro is wor.. more to Hua zai bah.. and also me... lol

As how can a woman be like a martian?? well i dunno.. woman have their caves too.. they sometime tend to hides inside their own world and do their own things too.. do you agree??

At the back of chapter 3, there was a message from him.. " you mei you xiang wo"... although i have flip through those message he wrote.. i still look forward everytime i read those pages.. thinking is there any message on the next pages?? hahha silly of me... *bleh*

Still trying to get use the life i am without him.. lunch time try not to bring phone as no one will call me to chat during lunch time le.. and back home is only Hua Zai will call.. and school journey might be boring le.. without him... i dunno.. maybe those fews weeks whatever had happen for me causes me to reply on him and tends to believe i be with him le... i am not sure.. i dun wanna break anyone heart.. but.. i dunno who to chose too.. what changes me now i dunno is becos of what too.. was it really Toro going TW that why i always accompany him?? or is it becos i feel comfortable to go out with him so i always stick to him?? I dun wanna both of us becos of crush and get together.. dun even want to hurt someone who have been there supporting me and helping me.. standing by me ... haiz...haiz...

Going to start work le..guess i shall stop here bah...

Today planning is.. after work be going school den take bus back to home... (*_^)

~ 42 Days to go ~

He finally left left yesterday.. at night.. well.. really.. i find him a romantic man.. Yesterday he purposely take cab from his home to mine.. just to pass me the book and a vcd.. too bad i was at work.. so he ask me to open the lettersbox when i got home.. I was thinking what was the vcd at first.. guess what it is?? see whether you are thinking the same as me??



ok answer out.. not video clip of what he want to tell me.. but it is "Tong Hua" mtv.. i dunno why.. while watching the mtv i started to cry.. sad of the story.. also.. sad when i think of Toro all those things been said and done.. Haiz.. really miss him now.. kinda not use to it... Keep thinking what is him doing now?? Have him taken his lunch??

Yesterday night before handphone goes no reception.. he call asking what am i doing now.. i was already sleeping cos very very tired.. but i did get to chat with him for a while.. Ship spoilt and get to know while doing those work he slip and fall.. kinda worry cos his ship is really very dangerous thingy if he did not grab correctly he might just fall into the sea... (-_-)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 1 (without him in my life)

This morning i forget to wear my watch is the first thing i find myself blur about.. haiz.. still say want to use this 40 plus day to buck up myself.. guess day 1 already made me lose heart.. Kaoz.. I am already starting to read the books, Man are from Mars Woman are from Venus.. Although have already scan through what Toro wrote inside.. i still feel happy when i read to the part he wrote some wordings there.. I promise.. my blog i will try to write happy memories more than unhappy one.. and when you come back with the box i want.. i will put all my happines inside... (*_^) this is the promise i made to you...

Well guess tonight be simple bah.. be going home after work and start my project thingy so that able to pass something to my classmates tomolo and go sleep.. i feel myself is out of energy.. no mood to do anything at all.. what had happen... ???

Yeh off work le.. it has been a busy dya for me.. cos i have been doing shipment since morning till 3 plus finally got time to sit down relax do a bit of paper works.. very sinaz.. been thinking why my standard at work is so bad.. recently my memory at work seem very very slow.. I am angry of myself.. need to change..

So paisei haha my sis call just now.. and say she need five mins to talk to me.. well okay since i have off work le.. so i say shoot.. haha so dad has been complaining i have been going out late at night and not enough sleep .. so want me to stay at home on Friday so that on saturday go "bai bai" i will not be yawningz and have those sleepy sleepy look.. keke well.. guess i not going out that often recently le too.. cos me budget tight and i really really tired.. plus my project deadlune coming nearer for group one .. haiz.. 19/04/05 got to rush cos my alone fighting this battle although got the word "group" well why?? dun wanna trouble them.. also dun wanna meet up too much with them in the end not much discussion.. i hope i be able to help to score bah.. but the presentation definetly out of my question to present since i have done so much le...

hmm hungry now.. but i guess i wait for Toro to meet me then we eat together i dun wanna make myself too fat .. hee hee...

Actually was intending to laminate the photo taken with Toro today.. but he is busy guess i have to go alone.. thinking thinking hard where have.. hmm... guess i will try out my house there nearby bah... hmm i shall stop here... going home with my colleague better pack up le... tata

Lunch Time Lunch Time!!!
Well had a very very quick lunch so that able to come in to update my blog again... Haiz.. think i got a new nick by Toro le.. hor Mr Panda??? kekeke well same as his.. i got Ms Panda... dun envy about it.. well if you like i can you all a nick too.. Panda kiddo.. wahahah.. no lah.. hmm recently not enough sleep.. even not at work i am at a very blur blur mode.. cannot think.. cannot react fast.. hope it is becos of not enough sleep.. So sorry to all frenz.. always talking to me and my reaction to you all is always so slow.. pai sei pai sei!!!

~Getting heavier Feeling Hours by Hours~

Very very down.. i dunno what to give Toro before he leave sg in about a fews hours time.. i hope to get something that he be able to think of him when he is at TW.. just like him..he give me something to take care for him while he be going TW.. guess what is it?? hiak hiak dun tell you all.. just a clue .. the next time you see me.. notice me more.. cos it is something to wear .. i be wearing it day and night... *blush*

hmm guess tonight will be the last night for this month to see him le.. my deadline to answer him is when he come back from TW that means it is 01/05/2005 hmm.. labour Day wor.. but guess it does not matter to me.. and guess my answer for hua zai will also be on that day bah.. so stress!!!

I really cannot bear to let him go.. i dun wanna think when he come back from TW everything has change cos i really like the way we are going now.. Mind games..jokes.. and those littles things in our life made up you and me..

Now i finally understand why Hua zai says he not that good as Toro le.. know how to play mind game.. it is actually from a thing we be able to think a lot more link from the thingy.. so that we will not be "dan xi bao" hahaha...

Guess i shall stop here.. got to get back to work le.. have a great day ahead k.. tata

Photo Of the earings again.. but this smile seem better.. more cheerful 

Hmm took it on saturday.. Photographer is Mr Zhi Hua, he just bought the earings for me.. so wanted to took it down.. so how? nice ma?

~moody moody~

Today already sunday le... I am at his house now.. to help Toro to pack his thingy to prepare to go TW.. heart began to sank.. cannot hide anymore le.. the fact he is leaving can no more avoid le.. the topic of "when he come back, is both of us dun wish to talk about now" cos we both cannot and dun dare to foresee what will happen and turn out when he come back... we both understand..

One Week = 7 days

Six Weeks = 6 X 7

= 42 days

This is what we were chatting just now... and tears just come out.. why? at that moment was playing "tong hua" and i guess after he had read my blog from starting till now.. guess he understand i am looking for a Prince... A Prince to be with me.. This stupid Princess...

I know his thinking bah... and i start to cry as time is a thingy that is playing us ... and my mind was in a mess.. "she bu de ta de li kai", also when he come back i really scare what might have happen... dun wanna say out i dun bear his leaving cos i know.. the more i say about my unbearable.. the more he be more sad he be leaving me in.. two days time... *sob* (-_-)

~things that i want to tell you~

Was hoping when you are oversea, you are still able to see my blog.. cos i hope to say out whatever is happening around me all written in my blog so you be able to read it even you are far from me phyiscally.. but do remember k.. no matter how far we are, we are still sharing the same sky and looking at the same star ... (*_^) I hope nothing will be changing after you come back.. those attidude and lots of lots of more thingy k... Promise me!!!

I am not good at saying out my feeling through talking.. now.. writing a blog i am blur too.. mind is blank dunno what to say... well like what everyone who cares will say.. Take care of yourself..dun worry about us when you come back we will still be in a piece.. i hope you be fine too k.. take note of everything you do i hope when you come back you have lots and lots of things to tell me.. i like story k.. and something more what i will tell you is.. dun forget to write report wor.. what you do there i WANT a REPORT.. lol (^_^) just joking..!! hope you are laughing rather than unhappines feeling your face while you are reading this... (^_*)

Remember I like to see you smile too!!!

ok ok enough of those rou ma stuff... dun wish to write a blog until i cry in front of the pc.. ppl will think i am crazy... lol... hmm well.. let talk back my daily life.. ever since my last friday that bad luck friday for me.. i am back to my happy go lucky mood le.. haiz.. dun understand my April Fool day can be so "dao mei"... First got wake up by Dino den the breakfast i bought has already turn bad.. and in the end no breakfast to eat.. after work miss my bus and late for appointment den while walking to tcc a "kaka" got into my tummy.. and so scary... lucky ah i did not scream or else i be so paisei.. hmm still got anymore unlucky thingy.. no more bah...

Saturday was a tiring day bah.. wake up after a four hours sleep den meet up with Hua zai.. we went for Breakfast cum lunch den went for a movie and after that travel down to Tampines.. haiz.. Janet and Jasper got me wait for them for about two hours.. i almost got angry.. i hate latecomers.. but those two haiz.. one is my best best frenz another one is my ah kor.. how can i get angry.. so there we went to the chalet.. (*_^)

~Hua Zai~

I know he care for me.. and to him time is also a thingy unfair to him.. cos he is a nsf got to stay in .. so he is always complaining why he is a stay in and not like Toro able to 8 to 5.. Rememeber above i mention about i waited two hours at Tampines.. hua Zai was accompanying me.. and we chat a bit about the situation.. He is a bit "xiao nan ren" cos when I was with Toro he try not to call me.. but when I was with him.. Toro call i chat for a while before hang up.. haha "xiao nan ren" got jealous over it...

So what did we chat about ?? that is for me to know only.. unfair to type it out and let everyone here read right? As like what i have told Toro.. I cannot foresee 6 Weeks later what might happen.. maybe three of us will not get to anywhere cos remember i never want to settle down yet.. so i dunno... I might not get my Prince yet bah.. i am so confuse now...

Okie i shall stop here... someone cannot wait to read my blog le lah... hahaha.. walking up and down think i dunno .. perfect eyesight huh... also have to walk near ma.. kaoz.. hahahahahah

Got a strong feeling i might not be staying in this company long le... this kinda feeling getting strong.. but well who cares right.. thinking to change le too.. anyway if they ask me to go i still got money hiak hiak i am looking for that.. that why till now i have not tender my letters..

~good mood still~

STOCK TAKE STOCK TAKE...!!! haiz.. financial year .. auditor coming.. haiz today is the day for sales department to stock take.. so today i am so different.. keke everyone in office was like wah!! why you dress like this.. hmm guessing what i am wearing le huh??

white top polo-T and blue jeans.. i guess is my hairstyle made them think i look different.. i tied up my hair into a ponytail .. later see got time i go take a photo of it keke

~Excluding today it be 3 mores days~

yesterday i finally found out.. i have been hurting both of them.. I shouldn't have tell Hua zai about Toro.. and Toro.. i should not have let you know about Hua zai .. like that maybe you might not be that stress.. but finally talk it out with them .. hmm i dunno what to do le.. dun dare to hope and dun dare to wish.. everything gonna wait till Toro come back from Taiwan .. whether to settle down or not...

haha lets not talk about this unhappy thingy le.. lets share some funny and comical thingy that took place yesterday.. but not on me.. is on my Toro san... hahah so i got it right.. it is HONEY BEES that came into your house.. must have talk too much sweet thingy to me le.. so all HONEY BEES came flying into your home.. well lucky he is calm enough to handle those things bah if not.. i guess.. and also i am not there.. the moment thinking those BEES coming after me i guess i will have nightmare...

okie i shall stop here le.. going to concentrate on my work.. rushing with time to do shipment and sales.. haiz.. hiaz.. haiz.. maybe after work i will update again.. Stay Tune!! (*_^)