What a lala dish

Yesterday wasn't sure what make him to be quite stress.. he began to start aiming cows to attack.. the poor 2 cows got hit is Janet and Victoria.
So make my effort to go NTUC AMK to see got his favourite food, lucky for me there is still lala in the store.Picking up those nice one and off i go with a pack of chilli too..

8 green chilli padi
5 red chilli padi
2 red chilli

Cause us to suffer like there is smoke bomb being throw into our home.. super hot where at the time you breathe in, you will automatically cough and cough..
The sauce is hot, the lala is hot but they still simply enjoying it (including me)

Our Saturday

Last weekend was out with WLNY Raymond, Lynn & Chris to shop and dinner. Went Suntec to had Pearl River dinner.. which was like rushing train.. with the food keep coming but get cold very fast too.. ( with special thanks to the aircon ) Got a bit piss off.. (actually more like scare) when I went Ladies before I was led to the seat.. so after I came out.. I was having difficulty to locate them.. *imagine you walking around each table trying to find them, hoping to see a hand wave* Nothing of such happen, in the end (clever me) approach one of the waitress to ask where they led the just came in customer to.. and finally I saw them.. the feeling is super scare.. (cos there is no phone with me, even wanna contact them also cannot) saw them busy ordering food as the last order is 9.15pm where we reach at 8.30pm.. Abit quarrel on the drinks as though the drinks is $5.00 per pax.. it is not my type of drink where I cannot possible drink it.. I was just requesting to change the drink and take away that.. even you left that on my table I will not even touch it.. cos I just not able to take the taste. Anyway end of story for that side track, commenting on Ray & Lynn, they really a small eater.. I guess on main course.. for dessert.. woohoo they can eat a lot.. haha.. not a bad partner to have them to eat buffet.. After that was actually planning to go for movie.. so good about I phone is that able to use apps to check movie timing.. using wifi of cos.. but while walking to the car, I suddenly think of going Marina Barrage where Lynn is much in interest too. So no movie and change to sight seeing with Ray be our Tour Guide of the night for the Marina Barrage where it is our first time there..

Photos uploaded..




The entrance .. something like a design??



While waiting of cos must zilian a while..

Me & Lynn

Nice night scenery.. isn't it..



Artist .. taken by Raymond

Sweet couple..

Situate at the top of the curve.. call Green Roof.. (if i did not remember wrongly)



... hide behind my face is the best option.. idiot

signing off with my own camwhoring photos..

Swimming

Outing was organize on last Tuesday which turn out Wednesday was a super tired day for everyone..
But I am glad that Janet improve her swimming (with the help of ours encouragement) which made her almost able to swim half a lap without stop over.. haha

Hope this could be a weekly outing, but hor.. why i keep hearing ppl say swimming will make oneself out of shape rather to keep fit and slim??

Does anyone have the true fact of swimming?

Some photos we took that day ..

The most Sporty xiao jie of the day.. imagine we went there right after work..

Patapon rocks!!

Oops Kanna caught playing and ignoring them

Where is me? *Hump* why am I being left out.. if not who take this photo lah..haha

Dear complaining and ask me not to over workout myself on swimming.. but the most hate it is yesterday went swimming with him without sunblock.. damn it.. I got tanner.. tmd.. it will took me a longer time to get back fairer.. tmd ..
But yesterday.. I feel he does not seem to have the mood to swimming.. intial was like kinda unhappy.. haiz.. I guess I should not have ask too much.. to make him tired too.. but lack of excerise is not good.. at the least I find myself more energetic nowadays

It really hurts..
I know I hurt him deeply.. as last night he saw a sms from ZH.. which he made an effort to ask can he see that sms.. which i turn him down.. I guess in the past he will not do that.. and the feeling is.. he does not dare to further provoke me.. I feel so bad.. and without letting him to see I guess his tots think wildly too.. or maybe I am too over confident of myself..

I dunno.. I try to sleep later to company him too.. but it seem I get so tired.. unable to continue this lifestyle for long.. excerise really make me feel better.. i began to like swimming.. and very looking forward the next one.. with him or colleagues ..
Indeed it is fun to swim with him... laughter a lots this few days.. I like it.. it began to recall those days we first started out.. and not the later part we began to get use of each other and began doing own things instead of spending time together.. How i wish the time and feeling can stop here..

I myself have fault too.. I cannot deny.. I lie a lot.. lots of lie from me.. i hate it.. I dunno why.. that hard to explain.. but it really gonna be a hard question to solve it..

一段感情建立在欺骗上，是没有幸福的

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Over the weekend.. so much things happen again..
From quarrel until bursting out all my unhappiness until now.. I dunno how to describe our status now..

I can feel and see he is trying to change to fulfill and save the whole things.. I tried too. But I have been thinking is it worth doing it.. Saw his effort in spending more time with me (swimming, watch TV, etc..) but I know.. at home, playing/ facing the pc would be much more entertain than those..
I am wondering.. why am I asking so much.. it seem.. the two of us.. our life does not seem compatible at all, but I am simply sorry to say.. have to realise it after so long.. and after ROM.
Though I guess even without ROM, he will not be that willing to let go of this r/s too.

Would letting go be the best solution?
I dunno, I am not sure..

Carry on with this relationship?
I am not sure will we have a happy ever after

Afterall, I have been thinking too much of he does not love me anymore, but just more to himself only. I am thinking too much..

It hurt to see him sad because of this
It hurt to see him making changes to make it suit
It hurt to see him get thinner because of my willfulness

Recently I guess there is a lot of unhappiness things going on around my life..
My mom bad habit is really hard to get rid bah.. haiz.. but she found the wrong time to ask for that.. I am quite piss.. and fed up.. i tot finally she has quit and know how to think.. in the end..
haiz..

Remember I mention about the lost of my friend? We talk it out this 2 days and finally we talk out.. actually mostly her angry part of me.. which I truely agree with her.. I should have care of what she has tell me.. and kept it within me.. maybe I did not take in mind on the conversation, future got to take note on this..

It is a dreadful monday again
Super tired and sleepy, best of all I miss my alarm and so I did not take bus to work instead MRT .. consider thinking "what a great start of the day and week"

It is hard to behave nothing went wrong with him.. over the weekend (actually only sunday as he was back on Saturday @ 11pm, I pretend to be sleepy) I claims that i am not in the mood to go back his home and he say fine.. he will travel back to his home alone..
At that moment I dunno what I am thinking .. and maybe does not even know what I want.. I was like.. oh so he prefer me not to head home at all with him now..
Actually I guess he just trying to accommodate me as since i mention i do not wanna head back.. but why can't he insist .. to show that he need me for his companion home ..
It make me feel I am not and no longer needed..
I stay quiet the whole day.. moody.. but not showing any mood out.. even when my mom bought the food back home.. my sis make a remarks like " oh just now was your noodle that make the whole bus so stink.." I was like :s.. in the very end.. I did not finish the noodle not even 1/3 of it.. and imagine that was actually my first meal for the whole sunday which I had it @ 2pm.. lihai bah and I dun feel a bit of hunger at all..
I had my dinner alone.. without asking anyone eating.. i simply living in the own world where I take my own bowl and scoup the rice and sit outside the dinner table to eat..
Mom saw and stand up to eat with me too.. he just after that took rice and veg and walk into the room to eat.. I wanted to give up eating.. but no one to give my little rice to.. and have to force it down into my throat..

Monday was just have to be cheerful and not showing out all those trouble that I had to others in the office.. it is unfair to show/share to anyone my unhappiness .. they does not have the responsibility to have to take care of my trouble too.. right..

Still I hope to hide in the little cave of mine to sort my mind out..

I feel like proposing to be alone once again..

hiding in my little world of my own

Once again I am alone.. often I do think back.. am I consider a good gf and wife.. I guess logically what I present to others maybe yes.. but to him I guess I am not a faithful wife only.
Though I can cook, plans for the future, taking care of the family and kids.. but there is a problem with me.. I am playful which I cannot stay with 1 person for long or in fact.. those who know me.. I am scare of loneliness too.. to avoid being alone, I will always want attention when I needed that.. drawing lots and lots of attention from the person I care ..
Today I happen to be alone at home and was feeling super duper boring that I began to surf web like wlny and friendster.. I began to have those thinking .. when I began to realise.. him .. who use to put our sweet memories photos no longer does that.. where status was put unknown.. photos of me have disappear and even hope to meet someone much prettier than me (maybe) as it state.. pretty ger?
I truely agree that I did put my status unknown too but never have I will want to put our photos kept.. but now.. I have the urge (which in fact I have already done it) to keep those photos of ours.. away from the net.. made known to other..
I do not know what have happen.. all the things around me have change within a few days.. i have those feeling I lost a friend.. and I wonder I have actually long lost him too.. he no longer is the one in deep love with me.. I began to wonder.. why would he agree to get marry with me.. was it at that moment of time he is still in love with me which now.. he has already lost the love he had for me.. maybe i am asking toooooo much in Love.. letting me have friends but not him.. needing him to have care for me when I need it.. i guess i am really asking too much..
Even to that lost friend.. i felt deep lost.. it indeed greatly affect me on Friday.. I did not realise.. in my sub-mind.. I have quietly place this friend into my important list of ppl that I have care..
I have guess.. the teasing has gone too far..
Now I felt I have lost everything in the world that I care/ feel important to me..
Window is open widely.. should I just jump out of it..
nah .. I was just saying.. I not that kind who will do this kind.. I feel like.. giving up .. letting go of myself.. and.. just be baddie for once..

You have once again disappoint me.. ( indeed I guess I am, hate me all you can bah)

Second post of the week..
Guess this week is quite a fun week, if not I will not have so much thing to blog about bah..
Yesterday took cab with DD, YY, NN as YY have something on nearby our home so we get to share her cab back home.
So got on this citycab and we start chatting on gers topic and assuming the cab driver is a "malay", so all the conversation was in Chinese.. we talk about IPL, erm what we saw in swimming pool.. and .. shaving of "hair" haiz haiz haiz.. after chatting for 15 plus min.. we began to realise we totally ignore the driver.. which some of us began to realise he has a "chinese name" ... :s NN began to say.. eh we chat like we treat someone invisible here wor.. and the driver turn and say " I am a chinese, I know and understand chinese"
A min of awkward and 10 mins of laughter in the cab.. as we been laughing till tears flow out.. super paisei.. damn it..

Monday *red*
haha finally the every month worst worry is over.. but now is suffering from the pain.. I start to complain to him about why am I not pregnant , it is all his fault to make me not pregnant as I have to suffer the pain now.. the pain is unbearable loh.. lucky i was on leave today and tomorrow.. but ahem i got better things to do than lying on bed k.. so he said.. ok is that what you want? then I know what to do.. *oops* I was just joking and simply whining on the pain nothing else.. pls just ignore me..
haha

Went UniSim on saturday.. it is a total sadness for me.. which now i truely and really understand his disappointment when he could not get straight to degree that kind of feeling now.. it is not just to study again or imagination can be describe..
Due to no local dip or A level, i guess i will most probably be rejected by the school. Even though now how much I wish to get into SIM does not mind it is a 3 years course and the school fee.. i guess it is a no no answer to me already.. just waiting for the reject letter from them on May bah..
Though everyone in family is encouraging and giving me support i do appreciate it.
Once again family warmth is being felt deeply in my hear.

PS: Finally I have the courage and mood to tell him about how I felt.. with some tears flowing out of my cheeks.. it is a disgrace as i was outside, waiting for train at Somerset.. I am not sure does he know what i am saying.. but at least i did my part to open up isn't it?