Thursday.. Yippe.. but so tired

Did not sleep well last night.. wake up in the middle of the night at 3am.. took 30 mins to toss and turn b4 i get back to sleep again.. *yawns* this morning b4 i wake up i was dreaming of dad bah.. finally.. but the dream kinda unreal.. as at first i dream of him being buried which he was cremeted.. then he tell me he is being buried under a white stone.. ask me to get him out.. then after that the dreams contiune back at home i was folding those joss paper.. he say he did not collect those money.. dun burn those boxes with others as he cannot collect all snatch by others.. and he got not enough money to use.. he need huge amount of money.. haha funny thing.. i ask him.. what kind you need?? those joss paper or money?? he wanted those joss paper.. In the dream, kinda real.. and i feel he is there.. but thing he said so weird.. maybe dream is a way we will feel no matter what is real.. cannot believe.. i once dream of my big sis.. that one really is different.. i only see whole family and we were eating outside in a dark dark sea.. then sis say goodbye to me.. that was after she left a few month later.. i cry in that dreams.. so you think should i believe this one?? Anyway will buy more joss papers bah.. in case it is real.. i burn more loh.. who dun like money right??

March is ending le.. tomolo will be the last day.. so fast.. looking back.. already 25 days without my dad by our side.. slowly everyone getting used to it bah.. sis contiune to talk in her loud loud way.. mom try to control our everything.. esp. money.. brother in law.. as usual.. bo chap.. haha.. me.?? unhappy will hide inside the room to weep and cheer myself up by being alone.. that is me.. i cannot talk it out.. only through here.. glad that we have blogger invented..
I miss him.. really miss.. miss those plans we have made but can never fulfill together now.. Looking his past photo.. how plump he used to be.. and how the sickness cause him to be so skinny.. I hate mom.. she did not take care of her.. when dad is so sick.. and even after what the doctors have told her.. she still can go Genting a few weeks b4 he pass away.. that time.. Dad is already very weak.. she still got the heart to go.. WHY??? alot of thing i hides inside myself.. dun wish to talk and quarrel.. that what my dad dun wish to see .. my bad temper inhert by him.. but i cool down also becos of him.. dun wish to talk le.. everyday.. just let out a bit by bit.. throuhg here.. but i know.. i will never forgive my mom..