This is a rant for myself.. cos.. I cannot let it out to others cos there is no way and no one for me to vent out..

1. I hope my loved one is understanding to me.. just like how i am to him.. if not how can a r/s could last? I am at work.. he is at reservice i know he will have lots of free time.. but not me.. and always it was so lucky that he call when i am not at my desk.. due to this problem i think we have been kinda unhappy over this few days..

2. I know i have made him worry due to not answering.. and i been trying hard to pls him.. yet there is a saying .. you give ppl a yard they want a mile from you.. this is the case.. on the way back home.. a lot of time i got very fed up.. cos i know he is unhappy with me.. and it seem the way he talk always have thorn.. and i have to keep swallow and swallow.. why should it be me always.. i almost shout back the last time when he keep grumbling about i did not tell him we have reach the station and compare me and nerd case with his.. ridiculous.. alot of assume causes.. like i tot he know we have reach the stop , he will follow where i walk even though i did not hold his hand.. I dun deserve all this loh.. if it was normal days i bet he will not say those things.. but why vent anger on me??

I have been thinking the whole of yesterday (friday) why are we together.. are we really suit for each other?? should i still take all this .. is this what i want?? why will i tolerate all his anger.. every thing reacted by me is all so different from what i will usually do.. no one will shout at me.. no one will dare to flare up on me.. i will not swallow all this yet trying to talk to him in the low tone.. I feel like i am a toy to him.. when he is at work busy.. he dun even have time to call me a single phone call during working hours.. yet.. when he is free he call and i must answer his call immediately and not to return the phone call too late.. what is this?? this is not
my fault not to purposely not to answer.. i am working loh.. to strive for a better future.. but just why can't he understand me a bit.. when he is at work i try not to disturb him and even though he dun answer i just let it go..

Maybe it all end up with man ego.. where woman have to put their man in first priority than the other things.. well alot i have put le.. i totally lost my frenz when he does not.. there is not fairness at all.. he have lots of guys frenz so all same gender can go out together then mine is all guys not the same gender they have motive on me so no no to me.. my frenz is only janet , ivy and office colleague.. what life do i have.. a control life.. like a toy.. who i can lend this toy to.. when the owner have time will take out the toy and play with the toy.. no time will lock the toy at home not even to share with other frenz.. cos the owner must be there when lending the toy.. Do i still counted as a human?? a body of my own??


It come to a conclusion.. we are not ready to really go into the next step.. cause.. things are hidden not solve.. whenever there is things happen problem come up.. unhappiness surface.. it scar the relationship a lot.. but does he know what he does hurts me too.. will he realise because of this i rather give up this relationship.. when i really cannot tolerate anymore.. and not to get into marriage.. or into any other relationship .. guys are just.. i dunno..