Day 1 (Sailing to SCS)

After a year of away.. now again i am alone here to wait for him to come back.. Last night finally manage to fall asleep at 11++ so tired in the morning.. as slept late.. just can't make myself fall asleep maybe my precious pillow is not that to hug me to sleep..

Everytime i always think of leaving him will make me happier.. but i think it is actually not true.. the lost feeling and dunno what i should do make me sad and unhappy.. but lucky this few days will be quite busy as today will accompany our taiwan colleague to Sentosa have a walk and tomolo will be meeting up with Janet and KQ..

Every thing seem so well plan?? I think is qiao.. hopefully Dear would be back by this saturday..

This is a rant for myself.. cos.. I cannot let it out to others cos there is no way and no one for me to vent out..

1. I hope my loved one is understanding to me.. just like how i am to him.. if not how can a r/s could last? I am at work.. he is at reservice i know he will have lots of free time.. but not me.. and always it was so lucky that he call when i am not at my desk.. due to this problem i think we have been kinda unhappy over this few days..

2. I know i have made him worry due to not answering.. and i been trying hard to pls him.. yet there is a saying .. you give ppl a yard they want a mile from you.. this is the case.. on the way back home.. a lot of time i got very fed up.. cos i know he is unhappy with me.. and it seem the way he talk always have thorn.. and i have to keep swallow and swallow.. why should it be me always.. i almost shout back the last time when he keep grumbling about i did not tell him we have reach the station and compare me and nerd case with his.. ridiculous.. alot of assume causes.. like i tot he know we have reach the stop , he will follow where i walk even though i did not hold his hand.. I dun deserve all this loh.. if it was normal days i bet he will not say those things.. but why vent anger on me??

I have been thinking the whole of yesterday (friday) why are we together.. are we really suit for each other?? should i still take all this .. is this what i want?? why will i tolerate all his anger.. every thing reacted by me is all so different from what i will usually do.. no one will shout at me.. no one will dare to flare up on me.. i will not swallow all this yet trying to talk to him in the low tone.. I feel like i am a toy to him.. when he is at work busy.. he dun even have time to call me a single phone call during working hours.. yet.. when he is free he call and i must answer his call immediately and not to return the phone call too late.. what is this?? this is not
my fault not to purposely not to answer.. i am working loh.. to strive for a better future.. but just why can't he understand me a bit.. when he is at work i try not to disturb him and even though he dun answer i just let it go..

Maybe it all end up with man ego.. where woman have to put their man in first priority than the other things.. well alot i have put le.. i totally lost my frenz when he does not.. there is not fairness at all.. he have lots of guys frenz so all same gender can go out together then mine is all guys not the same gender they have motive on me so no no to me.. my frenz is only janet , ivy and office colleague.. what life do i have.. a control life.. like a toy.. who i can lend this toy to.. when the owner have time will take out the toy and play with the toy.. no time will lock the toy at home not even to share with other frenz.. cos the owner must be there when lending the toy.. Do i still counted as a human?? a body of my own??


It come to a conclusion.. we are not ready to really go into the next step.. cause.. things are hidden not solve.. whenever there is things happen problem come up.. unhappiness surface.. it scar the relationship a lot.. but does he know what he does hurts me too.. will he realise because of this i rather give up this relationship.. when i really cannot tolerate anymore.. and not to get into marriage.. or into any other relationship .. guys are just.. i dunno..

Happy Father's Day

Dedicated to my late beloved Dad who is in Heaven watching over us.. A letter for him (^_*)

Hi Dad,

How have you been? How is life up there? Is sis doing fine too?? We gers down here misses you and sis alot.. sorry that recently I have been busy and no time to go find you.. But i promise i will find time to go find you. Yesterday was Father's Day.. lots of misses to you.. and happen that friday Yong Sheng 's didi using the phone i save a message to you de.. and while reading that i started to cry again... i never tot i have get over you.. even though it has been a year.. misses is there but just that did not bring up about you at home to control the tears we had for you..

From the saved message i save a lot of thing i do not wish to forget about you.. while we are here thinking of you.. are you still thinking of us?? or you have already drank the "meng po tang".. how i wish you were here Dad... sometime misses is so strong while I am alone and tears just drop.. no one know cos I will never wanna let other to see cos they just will scold me stupid.. they never understand our bond we had since i was bond..

Hope thing is going well at your side.. and you are there watching over us.. without you life is not the same as in the past in the family..

Lots of misses,
Bao

This week is such a relac week .. ha ha say say nia.. today till now nothign much to do.. keep yawning and want to sleep.. feeling so tired and shoulder is in pain.. yesterday massage le still pain.. why why why..

this week Ray organising a ktv outing.. but dear dun have much mood le.. but thinking forward.. hey after this week dear would be going reservist.. so how.. no more excuse?? but still have to respect him bah.. let him decide..

last night was quite fun.. dear pants till now then say need to alter.. lucky my mom is at home.. save money by asking her to help him alter.. but he start to complain have to wear in and out of the pants.. lol.. cant wait to see him wear no. 3.. so handsome..

Dear reservist next week dunno got come out ma.. dunno got time for me ma.. dunno will he be tired to stay at my home and go tuas ma.. but i know i ask him so many times he still dun wanna stay at his own home.. ha ha..

Well well.. today is a special day.. and so grab some time after my work to blog in here.. if not.. i really got no time leh.. Dear Happy birthday.. i dunno what should I give you and i dunno what can i give.. haiz.. ask you so many times you cannot give me an answer what you want.. i also dunno what to buy for you le.. but glad that you got a new job and it is somewhere nearer to our home and something you seem to more interested in.. Mediacorp.. i hope it something will not affect our relationship de..

But other than this.. i guess more unhappiness during this start of month.. Dear grandma fall down last week.. from the bed.. haiz not sure she hurt where.. cos now i heard from dear she has blood clot in her body but i am not sure where but doctor advise her to go home eat the medicine does that cure.. my work getting busy and i still struggling with it.. getting use to it... hope i am getting better..